TONGUES OF FIRE

How Great Is Our God

2010-05-03T09:26:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I posted. But recently D has been encouraging me. Thank you my friend.

These recent weeks have attested to the verse "My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in your weakness." 1 Cor. 12:9

God is able when we think we have reached the end of ourselves.

God is able when your teenage daughter runs away from home and stays overnight at a strange man's house.

God is able when you don't know if you're coming or going in your career.

God is able when you are so sick you wish things could just end so at least you would be out of pain.

God is able when your finances burn up faster than a lit paper plane.

God is able when you have so much work, and more keeps coming, that you think you couldn't possibly go on another day like this.

God is able.

God cares.

God is waiting for us.

Will I give it up to Him - will you?

Will we commit all we have to do, unto Him?

Will we commit to PUSH: pray until something happens?

Will we recognise our righteousness in Christ and believe God's word?

Will we READ God's word, so we know our rights as His children?

Will we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouth all the good things of God?

Will we command the angels to surround our children and keep them from harm?

Let's do our part. God's just waiting to save us and our children and our finances. Yes it takes work, and prayer, and belief and confessing the word.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"If I have faith like the grain of a mustard seed, I can speak to the mountain, 'Be moved from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for me."

Be blessed. Be faithful.

Lessons from Matthew 16

2009-11-09T10:05:00.003+08:00

This morning, I wake up and want to keep to my decision to spend time with God and in His word.

No chance to do so at home — the morning mummy rush is quite mad — but now, before I start work, I have asked God for a word today. Without it this day will pass without my making a difference.

The Lord leads me to Matthew 16.

This chapter is so rich — so many things happen in the Spirit, and the verses are so nuanced, there's so much between the lines.

From Pastor Tan's teaching I find myself trying to look at whole chapters in context. Matt 16 is one of them.

1. Jesus starts by telling the disciples about the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees, to beware. Does this happen today? The yeast really is what man wants, not what God wants. It's the rules and regulations man has put in place of true worship. In a weird way it's easier to follow rules, tick them off and count our religious duties done (attended service, tick. Visited old folks home, tick. Said morning and night prayers, tick.) It is much harder to seek God and to follow His timing — He very well might, in the middle of your very important meeting, tell you to go outside and pray. He might tell you, when you are nursing a cold and so exhausted you think you are going to faint, to go and pray for someone. Serving God is rarely convenient. If we follow the teachings of the Pharisees, we will only count our religious duties accomplished. It doesn't mean God doesn't have rules and regulations (helloo??) but that if we set ourselves aside and follow Him, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

2. Question on v 4: do we ask for signs when, if we follow God with all our hearts and minds, we will never miss or need a sign?

3. Then Jesus asks Simon Peter who He is. Why does Jesus ask this? Why is it at that moment that Simon Peter is touched by the Holy Spirit? "Upon this rock" - Christ is the rock not Simon Peter. The foundation of the church is Jesus Christ. And the gates of hell will not prevail. Whatever the church looses on earth is loosed in Heaven — what do we loose? Peace, joy, understanding, compassion... What do we bind? Confusion, discord, hatred...

¹⁵"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"

¹⁶Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

¹⁷Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.

¹⁸And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.^"

¹⁹I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

²⁰Then he warned his disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Christ.

4. Then Jesus predicts His death.

²¹From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

²²Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

²³Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

²⁴Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ²⁵For whoever wants to save his life^{h]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[h]} will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. ²⁶What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? ²⁷For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. ²⁸I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

So Peter, who has just been touched by the Holy Spirit and declares Jesus the Son of the living God, in the very next moment says Jesus shall not die and be resurrected. We are all like that - we vacillate between listening to the Spirit and being fleshly. We don't even realise it when we do, till Christ tells us to stop it. How keen are we to the words of Christ? We say what seems to be right in the eyes of man, but not God — because the yeast of the Pharisees has already got to us! Where we are now is, we must recognise it is the yeast of the Pharisees, and we must avoid it. Even the loosest of words we use — they must not just sound Godly, they must be God-inspired, God-approved.

Lesson for me today: Beware what I say - is it something that pleases man or God. How can I speak so that I have favour with both God and man?

Thoughts to meditate upon today.

He Makes All Things Beautiful In His Time

2009-09-15T07:55:00.003+08:00

Pastor Tan has been sharing a thread in his messages these past few months, since the mid-year morning prayer meeting. It is about waiting on God, and trusting that God's timing is perfect.

If we feel that the universe revolves around us, then God's timing will not seem so perfect. Why didn't I get that promotion? Why wasn't my daughter selected for the class play? Why did my father die? How come Jesus didn't rescue him?

When my mother had cancer for the last time, I asked that question of God. "Why does your Bible say that you are the healer when my mother is only getting worse?" Of course, I wasn't saved yet, but I sure was seeking. I realise now, we cannot read the Bible and only pick and choose the parts that make us feel good. The Bible is the infallible word of God - it is our job as Christians to know and love the full gospel.

It was only a few months after Mom passed away, after I was saved and filled with the Holy Spirit, that the Lord gently but surely revealed His greater purpose. My mother had been praying for my salvation for years. On her deathbed, I had an encounter with the Lord, and the Holy Spirit came over me and suddenly, I knew that I knew that I knew that my Mom was right all along — she was going home, and there was so much to be happy about when you know you're returning to the Father.

My Dad was hospitalised during my mom's wake and cremation. He grieved so deeply the doctors thought he was going to die too. But the Lord sent my cousin Erwin to lead my Dad in the Sinner's Prayer. When he awoke the next morning, Dad asked me, "Who is this Jesus? I feel so peaceful now. Tell me about him." Thus began two years of Bible-reading with my Daddy, who delighted in the Word, especially the book of Acts.

My mother's death precipitated the salvation of both my father and I. Dad died two years later, and I have the priceless assurance he is with the Lord. Human reasoning says, "Why should she sacrifice her life so that you two can save your souls?" But I know my mother would have said, "The body will die anyway, but the soul lives forever."

I know to her, to me, to God - it's all worth it. And I know I shall see my mother where I'm going - if like her, I fight the good fight and finish my race.

My Lord, your timing is perfect. The righteous shall live by faith, and not by sight — I know sometimes, despite all I have experienced, I still need to be reminded that You are sovereign and I am wasting my time pondering and worrying. I thank you that in You, I have my peace, my joy, my meaning.

Make It Like It Was

2009-07-14T08:14:00.004+08:00

God's been talking to me this past year through a series of songs - ie, pop songs.

It's weird but really wonderful. Talk about cultural mandate — it's the living God on my radio frequency.

I think it started with David Cook's version of 'Always Be My Baby' - I felt God sing it to me and had a complete meltdown in the car.

Then as I was researching U2's songs for an article I was writing, suddenly the lyrics became so clear to me. U2 is a modern day David! The pain, the joy, the triumph, the temptation, the sorrow — all the ups and downs of walking with God, they are in U2's songs.

"To God in Heaven be the glory!"

Amazing to me how hundreds of thousands of unbelievers sing that out loud at every stadium show that U2 plays. Awesome! It's Nebuchadnezzar x 1000000.

Then last night, Lord you whispered this tune into my head... I had to sing it out loud. I couldn't remember if it was Patti Smith, Patti LaBelle or Anita Baker. Turns out I was wrong on all 3 counts! Did a quick Google and I found Regina Belle's 'Make It Like It Was', and Lord I knew you were talking to me when I read the lyrics.

Everyday we used to slip away to talk
We would talk about the goodness of your heart
Now it seems a myth that never existed at all
And it leaves me feeling empty
With this hollow call

Make it like it was
The way it used to be
When i hungered for your love
Constantly
Make it like it was
It was easier for me
I know you're able
To make it like it was

At a certain time you would find me on my knees
Asking you to supply all my brother's needs
Now it seems the needs are a secondary thing
And it truly makes me wonder
What's really happening

Make it like it was
The way it used to be
When i hungered for your love
Constantly
Make it like it was
It was easier for me
I know you're able
To make it like it was

Now when I compare there's really no comparing
I just want it the way it used to be
Just the thought of living without your love
Makes me ask that you make it like it was

Make it like it was
The way it used to be
When i hungered for your love
Constantly
Make it like it was
It was easier for me
I know you're able
To make it like it was

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3ipsMY9dGA

This makes me weep because often, when I go on my knees — it's true, I have a whole grocery list of things to pray through, asking God to "supply my brother's needs". But sometimes, I feel it's so empty and hollow because i'm not really connecting with You - I'm just putting in my orders.

"One McSpicy EVM, one Fish Fillet special order no tartar sauce, one cell group member special order no petty problems ..." *DING*

But it was different at the start, when waking up was thrilling because it meant another day I could just sit in your presence and read and drink from your Word. Why is it so hard to do that now? I guess, I am no longer a babe drinking milk, that's why.

Lord I thank you for the teaching Pastors did on the Shulammite woman in Song of Solomon. Because that's me. And for a long time I think I got stuck at level 2 — wanting to just have you, bring you home and keep you at home with me. Yet that's not how You work. You want me to rise up, come to the garden with You, work with You. And my revelation of You would sharpen.

And thank you Lord it's started to happen. I know this quiet time with you is so special - but rarely is it an hour. But I know, I read your Word, I search for it, and You talk to me. You talk to me out of songs, books I read, every newspaper articles.

I feel like a teenager with You Lord. Just beginning to see what my Father wants me to see, how He wants me to follow in His footsteps. I'm learning to understand Your ways. But of course it would help to read and meditate on Your Word even more — it is even more crucial!

I'm not there yet but You reveal more of yourself to me — You are a God who hides Himself (see, You sent me that verse! Isaiah 45:15) One day I will come to the point of Mature Love with You - when I wake up and know Your heart and we go out and have adventures together.

Obedience is Better Than Sacrifice

2009-06-16T09:49:00.004+08:00

Breakfast with Jesus @ Starbucks.

Today's menu: Bacon and egg frittata and a tall black coffee.

Food for thought from Pastor Kong Hee's daily devotional (read the full devotion here).

Better Than Sacrifice

16 JUN 2009

So Saul died for his unfaithfulness which he had committed against the LORD, because he did not keep the word of the LORD, and also because he consulted a medium for guidance. 1 Chronicles 10:13

Partial obedience is the most dangerous form of disobedience. Like Saul, when you obey partially, you will always try to justify your own actions (1 Sam. 15:9, 19- 21).What God wants is your complete obedience instead of your best sacrifice. There are two types of believers: (a) The immature believer is like a slave that needs to be told all the time what to do. (b) The mature believer is like a son who understands the heart of God (Gal. 4:6-7). “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are [the mature] sons of God” (Rom. 8:14).

A spiritually immature person is childish. King Saul was an immature person. Like a child, he had no control over his moods or emotions. He was impatient and presumptuously offered a burnt offering to God (1 Sam. 13:8-9). Out of anger, he made a rash oath that put his entire army under bondage and weakened the morale of his soldiers (1 Sam. 14:24). He disobeyed God’s command and did not destroy the Amalekites completely. As a result, Saul lost his entire kingdom and died a tragic death.

How terrifying. How often do I hear from God and before I can finish thanking Him for the word He has given me, I'm already bargaining with Him about how I'm going to do His will.

"Can I give 50% first then when I get that cheque I'll give the rest?"

"I will obey! Just not this year. Next year can?"

"Yes I want to buy the tissue packets from that celebral palsy guy on the street — just that I'm rushing. I'll do it when I come back down okay?"

That's totally not obedience at all. It's like the two brothers — one says no when his father asks him to do something, yet later, he goes and does it. The other brother says okay I'll do it, but never does. The second is worse — I know, because my kids do exactly the same thing to me!

Sometimes I get so sick of this fleshly body I'm in (haha yes the fleshY body I'm in too, which refuses to be pummeled into shape ... more cardio!). I can absolutely identify with Paul when he said "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." (Rom 7:15). Can I just add: "Siannnnn!"

Daily, I must crucify my old man on that cross. One cell leader once said, "You take that old man, and you HAMMER those nails through him. Don't let him off that cross. Crucify him!" Violent, but needed. I realise now that that is the only way Pastor Kong does it — if he at any point gave in to his human whims and fancies, or bargained with God, there is no way he could have the anointing he does. He is uncompromising in his obedience — wow, just how FAR away am I from that!

Think about it — if not for total obedience to God, many of the world's greatest preachers and evangelists could not have changed this world. Mother Teresa would never have given up everything to go to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta to feed, care for, clothe, love them. John Sung would never have left the comfort of Ohio to go and bring God's word to countless Chinese in Taiwan and China. Often, what God calls us to do defies "human logic" — give money to someone when you hardly have any left for yourself; place your hands on someone dying of cancer and declaring she is healed.

Will I obey?

I may not succeed everytime, but I would be the world's biggest fool if I did not try.

With each time that I try, I grow in faith. Each time I obey in faith, and God meets me at that point - I grow a couple of inches spiritually.

How many people get to do that? I'm grateful for the privilege. God, give me grace to obey fully, each and every time, no matter what my eyes and my heart tell me.

To Know, and Not Obey

2009-05-18T07:56:00.002+08:00

Luke 12:47-48

"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

These verses make me wonder where I am. I don't think I have been entrusted with very much - yet if I'm wrong about that, boy!!

I know God's will is for me to do what He has called - find needs, meet them, find hurts, heal them. Don't let someone who needs help pass by. Don't let someone who needs a hug leave without one. Don't miss an opportunity to minister and to teach.

Looks like I'm in for a beating with many blows. *gulp*

Yet, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Thing is, I have to be mindful to REMAIN in Christ.

Yesterday I peeped this book my husband has been reading: From Good Man to Valiant Man by Dr Allan Meyer. Dr Meyer teaches on sexual purity for men — there really ought to be one for women too.

In it he talks about how to stay out of sin - how to recognise what causes your thoughts to engage in a sexually charged moment, and how to instantly react so that that thought does not take root. Throughout this entire exercise, one has to be so one with and connected to God that it is impossible to fail.

If we are not joined with God we cannot know His perfect will for our lives.

Lord, bring me back to that point - I once was there, but now... not so much.

Another busy day - be with me.

Love

Being Kingdom-Minded

2009-05-06T07:57:00.002+08:00

Lord

Once in a while, You would call me back to a state in mind in which I suddenly remember what I'm here for.

1. Go and make disciples of all nations

2. Baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit

3. Teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.

And surely You are with me always, to the very end of the age.

Often I am not Kingdom-minded. Often, I am self-centred. Often, it's all about me, my husband and my kids.

It's not wrong but even with my kids - am I Kingdom-minded?

You have given me this beautiful, brilliant trio and am I preparing them to be arrows going into the world, to penetrate it with the goodness of God?

Yesterday we had a discussion about how to protect the Kingdom and all the good works we have put in place. One bad AWARE situation can topple a lifetime of good. Look at how the media has mercilessly torn down Ren Ci and Ming Yi, forgetting - totally erasing - the immense work, sweat, blood, sacrifice this man has put into this organisation at the cost of himself.

None of us wants to have to waste time battling secular battles that we are not called to engage in nor to win. We are to go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptised will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. (Mark 16:15-16). We just do the preaching. They have to do the believing. And we're not to do the condemning - that's not our turf.

Instead we are to zealously obey Jesus' commands (see previous post). To love, to serve God. To love, to serve all.

I'm proud of the things we are doing - the MS patients, cleaning up and repainting old folks homes and befriending them, helping the intellectually disadvantaged. I'm proud we have a school that tells kids "You have a second chance and we're here to make sure this time you shine", when all they have heard in life is "You're a loser. Get out of my class."

All these good works can be easily destroyed with a poor reputation. As God's child, I must jealously uphold that reputation. Don't do stupid things. Don't say stupid things. Keep up the good work even if I'm so tired already - must not weary in well-doing for in due season I know I shall reap my reward.

Lord, I'd be crazy if i pretend this is easy. It feels like one long fight sequence sometimes. But ... for You, for Your kingdom, for the world to taste and see and feel and hear and know your awesome, mind-blowing, soul-shredding love for each individual - it's all worth it. I'm glad someone (in fact, many someones) kept praying and working and being rejected just to bring me steps closer to You till I finally fell into Your arms.

I live that I can do that for someone - many someones.

From Darkness into His Glorious Light

2009-05-05T07:13:00.002+08:00

Romans 1

21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like moral man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen.

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.

27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be don.

29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,

30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;

31 they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

32 Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but approve of those who practice them.

I read this passage the day after I was saved in 2003, October.

It was like reading my whole life story. I was born and baptised Catholic at the age of 16 days. But I never grew up in the living knowledge of Jesus. He was, to me, a good man who died on the cross and somehow, I was supposed to believe that he was the only way to Father God.

Father God, I thought I knew. Many of us - even those who will not subscribe to organised religion (which they utter in the same sort of tone as "organised crime") - believe there is a higher being, a divine force. Somehow, there is something in us that "just knows". Whether Muslim, Hindu, Greek Orthodox, Catholic, Christian, Buddhist — there is a sort of wondering fear of this great spirit in the sky. Better to believe than not. In case, ya know.

It takes a lot of faith and will to be an atheist, but that's another conversation for another day.

Although my mother and my cathecism teachers had taught me all about God, how He made me and the whole world around me, how He loved me, how He died for me... it was not something I made a conscious choice to believe, and hence, although I believed with all my heart that since my magical baptism had already happened, I was ready to go to Heaven anytime.

See, that's what Paul meant when he used the terms "futile thinking, foolish heart darkened".

If one is left without the truth, one will find his own truth. I did that. I was as depraved as they came (okay, so no drugs but there was nothing I didn't know about sin). I was the go-to girl for witchcraft (Tarot cards, palm reading, blah blah blah - weirdly "accurate" said people of my so-called talent). I was the one that if anyone was writing a book about porn, orgies, sex of any sort - call Theresa. (this in fact happened - a year after I was saved. A good friend - no names - called and said "Hey I have a sex compilation to do for XYZ foreign publisher, can you help?" and I was like, "Sorry wrong number!")

Friends who knew me from before - many of whom were involved or instigated the AWARE saga - were amazed at the total transformation in my life. In 2003 Jesus picked up this filthy little girl, so lost in her depravity, who finally, finally gave up when faced with the harsh reality of her dying parents - no more playing games. WHO IS THIS GOD? WHERE IS HE WHEN I NEED HIM?

Sliver by sliver, gentle as a leaf, God brought me to His holy Word. I drank the Scriptures like I was going to die of thirst. Being jobless gave me much time to do this - I would read my Bible for hours, amazed that I never saw, never read, never understood all the incredible truths that were in there. My eyes were blinded, but now I could see (ah, so that's what that line in 'Amazing Grace' means). And line by line, my God, my Lord Jesus became more and more real to me, and it became a BURNING, URGENT NEED to really know Him.

What was I doing with my life, squandering my days when I could have been living according to His will, doing the things He already planned for me to do before I was even born! AUGH! The thought of those wasted years, all 36 of them!

Before my parents even met, before I was even a thought in my Mom and Dad's mind, God already knew me. We are all spirit beings - and God is spirit, and He knows us so intimately it is almost scary He knows our innermost thoughts, our desires, our dreams. That's why, apart from the atheists and their Jedi mind tricks, each human being somehow has this inborn knowledge that there is a supreme being. Of course you do - you were made by Him, you carry His DNA.

I was separated from my God - the Daddy who made me. Because of sin, I was a child of sin - and I was particularly a very ripe example of a sinful child. How to get back? Only through the saving knowledge of Christ. It took me a long time and probably 70 Sinner's Prayers, but finally, finally, God was good, and He sent legions of angels (some in human form) to pray with me till my stubborn, scar-covered heart finally opened up and let Him in.

BOOM!

The light began to break me. Piercing holes like laser through my darkened thinking. Illuminating my eyes my mind. Purifying my body. It felt wonderful, terrifying, powerful. When I received the fullness of the Holy Spirit I felt 20 feet tall! I could chase demons from my house, I destroyed the binding items from my past, burned my Tarot cards, my witchcraft kits. It was like my body and my mind could not stand to have even one bit of filth around me - I felt scrubbed so clean - I had repented and God had removed my sins from me as far as the East is from the West. He doesn't remember all the things I have done - it's wiped clean. I felt so, so clean, so right.

I knew that I knew that I knew - this is the truth. This is my God. This is the life I'm supposed to live, not what happened before.

I never want to go back there.

Friends who knew me from my BC days said, "What is it with you? You're glowing!" It's the light of Christ.

Is being a Christian easy? I'd be lying if I said yes. It is a daily walk - you have to keep walking or you'll get lost. I have to put on the mind of Christ - I work at no longer thinking only my way, but Jesus' way. It's not easy, but it is rewarding.

Now, I read the newspapers and feel ... poignant is probably the best word. Because had this happened before 2003, I would probably be in the front row of that Suntec hall, pelting Josie Lau with spit balls. I was so sure, so "PC" - of course every human deserves to be, do as he/she wants. I would have said, women must fight for the rights of homosexuals because they are a minority group - but now, I honestly think the homosexuals (if they really want to classify and dichotomise themselves so) are perfectly capable of fighting for their own rights.

I would have called this saga a fight between human rights and fundamentalist intimidation. But it is in fact, a fight between right-wing frightened mothers and a left-wing group of individuals who have become an organised religion unto themselves. Their religion is secularism.

Who's fighting for human rights?

Josie and gang are fighting their human right to protect their young from what they consider ill influences.

The old guard, representing (by some unfathomable reason) gays and lesbians, is fighting its human right to exist and not be judged or coerced.

Homosexuality is not the issue - it is the propagation of homosexuality that is Josie's issue. Leave our kids alone, we'll leave you alone - that's what they really wanted to say.

But instead, this true motivation has been snowed under a whole bunch of baloney about civil rights, religion vs secularism... it's none of that. Right at the bottom of this is a bunch of moms who, like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens 2, will not let any b*tch hurt her kid. She will fight. And I guess, maybe, Josie and gang just fought without really thinking. And this time, the alien ate her up.

"For God has given us not a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind."

Unfortunately, this saga demonstrated the complete opposite of this. When anyone - even a Christian - acts out in fear, you are giving away your power, love and your sound mind.

This is a watershed event - one that has divided society. The media makes it seem like most Singaporeans support the old guard - I dare say that's not exactly true. The old guard may be more vocal, but at the core of it, Singaporeans are simply, family-loving people. Any threat to the "moral fabric" of society will not be taken lightly - and any perceived threat by gays and lesbians to "coach" their kids into a homosexual lifestyle will not be accepted.

Ultimately, as PM Lee said in Parliament a year and a half ago:

“'Among the conservative Singaporeans, the deep concerns over the moral values of society will remain and among the gay rights' activists, abolition is not going to give them what they want because what they want is not just to be freed from section 377A, but more space and full acceptance by other Singaporeans. And they have said so. So, supposing we move on 377A, I think the gay activists would push for more, following the example of other avant garde countries in Europe and America, to change what is taught in the schools, to advocate same-sex marriages and parenting, to ask for, to quote from their letter, "...exactly the same rights as a straight man or woman.' This is quoting from the open letter which the petitioners wrote to me. And when it comes to these issues, the majority of Singaporeans will strenuously oppose these follow-up moves by the gay campaigners and many who are not anti-gay will be against this agenda, and I think for good reason". LEE HSIEN LOONG in Parliament on 23 Oct 2007

As much as the old guard says "Leave us alone", so do Josie and other parents have the right to say, "Leave our kids alone."

God and good sense shall prevail, I'm sure of it.

To Love Is To Obey

2009-05-04T07:18:00.004+08:00

1 John 2:3-6 - We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

I struggle with obeying God. I think, I would not be alone in saying this. From the little things like saying sorry when I have wronged someone (but feel righteous in hurting that person), to the big things like not doing my quiet time, not being still to know he is God - I have disobeyed the Lord, and despite all my good intentions, I still do.

I know what Paul means when he says he hates his flesh. All the stuff he wants to do, he doesn't. All the things he shouldn't be doing, he does. Times like these I wonder if the Opus Dei are not so weird for wearing their little crown of thorns around their thighs, just to remind themselves to not give in to the flesh.

Okay that's pretty extreme. I'm not a bondage kind of girl (anymore).

If someone says they know Jesus and Jesus is their Lord, if they disobey Jesus' commands, then Bible says this person is a liar and the truth is not in him.

What are Jesus's commands? When Jesus asked the expert of the law (Luke 10:25-28) he replied:

a. "Love the Lord with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength." I take that to mean, put God first - He permeates every thought, decision, action we take.

b. "Love your neighbour as yourself." Put others before ourselves, find ways to help them, go out of your way to help them (this was illustrated by the parable of the Good Samaritan)

Jesus agreed with these. These are the 2 commands of Christ that have brought our church thus far.

I found this study that's quite interesting - it lists the 7 major commands of Jesus:

1. Repentance (Luke 24:33-53)

a. Water Baptism (Luke 3:1-18)

b. Baptism by the Holy Spirit (Luke 11:5-13)

2. Faith (Luke 18:9-17)

a. Letting the Seed Grow in our Hearts (Mark 4:1-20)

b. Persevering Faith (Heb 10:19-12:13)

3. Love (Luke 10:25-37)

4. Pray (Luke 18:1-8)

5. Give (Mark 12:41-44)

6. Communion (1 Corinthians 11: 17-34

7. Make Disciples (Mark 1:14-20)

Our church is built on #3: Love. This is the greatest commandment of them all - because if I obey this commandment in FULL, I would be loving God with all my heart, mind, soul, strength (and I would be repenting, praying, giving, exercising my faith), and I would be loving other people as I love myself (teaching and making disciples to grow them in their faith, having communion with them in remembrance of Christ, giving, praying for them...).

As Christians, sometimes we get so zealous and jealous for the Lord. I've chilled a lot now, but previously I would get into fights with non-believers about my God.

As I grew - I began to realise that Jesus really is our best example. He never stormed the temple and mounted a hostile takeover, even though the temple was being used to preach all sorts of heresy and keep the people in bondage. Did He rebuke the temple leaders? Yes, but only when they came to Him and asked Him dumb questions.

Instead Jesus focused on the right stuff - teaching the people the truth, because the truth set them free. When the teachers of the law try to trap Him with scriptural knowledge and conundrums, He refused to get down to their level. He simply rewrapped the question and returned to sender (eg. the story of the adulterous woman in John 8:1-1).

Is this the way we should show love? Don't get distracted - do what we are commanded. Don't engage in fights with people who are not of the spirit - that's casting pearls before swine. They cannot understand the things of the spirit - it is foolishness to them.

I'm trying not to climb on my soapbox. What a temptation. But in the light of the AWARE battle, it was not a battle in which God was with the Christians. It was clear that they were going to lose this one big time - I prayed for their protection, that no harm would befall them or their familes, that they would come out of the fire not smelling of smoke (not sure about that one).

It was not something Jesus would have done - no matter how noble their intent, it was not of God. Because it demonstrated a severe lack of love for our neighbours - these are the people that ended up chasing the new exco out of AWARE. We are called to win the lost, not hammer them into submission.

Gays and lesbians - we know what the Bible says (Romans 1: 26-27; 1 Cor 6:9). But ultimately we too were all sinners that were saved by Jesus' work on the cross. Can one love God wholeheartedly and still be gay? Well, can one love God wholeheartedly and still murder? Can one love God wholeheartedly and still commit adultery? Think about it.

All I know is that, in this arena of gender issues, the battle belongs to the Lord. Where emotions have been invested, there is no easy way to walk away for anyone who has loved, whether you are straight or not.

Yes, as Christian parents, and responsible parents, we should know what our kids are being taught in school. How much should they know? It's not what they know, but how we, as parents, explain these facts to them Biblically. Innocence is not isolating oneself from the world. Innocence, like Joseph when his boss's wife wanted to sleep with him, is virtue tested and triumphant. Like me, you want your kids, when faced with temptation, to make the right choice by themselves.

So back to obedience: But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. Can I obey God's word? In order to obey it, I gotta know it. In order to know it, I gotta read it and meditate and memorise it. But I know when I do, God's love is made complete in me and I will know how to live my life for His glory.

Always Be My Baby

2009-04-03T09:28:00.002+08:00

One day, driving along the ECP, David Cook's cover of 'Always Be My Baby' came on the radio.

This has been my favourite Mariah Carey song since I was pregnant with my first child. I sang this song to him every day in the womb. Today, he's 10, and I still tell him, "You will always be my baby."

(It still elicits a hug, so I guess that's good)

God knows everything about me. He knows what I'm thinking. He knows why I'm thinking it.

Suddenly it felt like it was the Lord singing to me,

"You'll always be a part of me,

I love you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Darling coz you'll always be my baby."

And I am - I will always and forever be the Father's baby. And He loves me like that.

And that elicits a hug from me — a big huge hug. I love you Daddy.

Gold Dust AGAIN!

2009-03-24T09:49:00.002+08:00

It's been a loooong while.

Many Christians warned me. Give yourself a few years - you'll find your love for God fading, it becomes harder and harder to talk to God, and slowly, you find yourself sliding... sliding...

A backslider was not made in a day.

I was determined not to be one, but I have to say the last 1 year has raised some challenges. With 3 kids, what seems like 8 jobs and a host of household issues to tackle, some days it's hard to just be still and quiet and be with God.

Some days I make time, and force myself to be quiet, and 40 minutes later I feel like nothing has happened, and God's still in the shower.

I didn't quite believe it when my friends told me this happens to every Christian - surely not me.

But it has.

So I vacillate between being desperate for God and waiting all morning for Him to appear, to being "I give up, I'm too busy and maybe later He'll show up and we'll both be in the mood to talk."

But can I say God is good, and He is good all the time, everywhere, no matter what we do...

It happens when I'm driving along the ECP. Suddenly a verse comes to mind - God thinks a thousand thoughts towards me.

So I ask "Lord what are you thinking about me right now?"

The answer comes, straight like an arrow to my heart: "I'm thinking about when I knit you in your mother's womb, how beautiful I knew you would be, and how beautiful you are now."

Wow, tears. Major tears.

The presence lands inside the car, thick like a fog. I can barely drive, I'm weeping so hard.

Last week at BBG, Pastor Ming is teaching about being Bigger People. Making a concerted effort to do something kind for someone every single day. Remembering the name of a wait-person who served you at the restaurant and thanking her by name. It's what the Lord had been telling me that week: find one person to be kind to today.

I look down and my hands are covered in gold dust. I think - gee, that new face powder I'm using is so glittery. It covers the whole palm, but I'm wondering if it's just makeup. I turn my hands over and the backs of my hands are glittering too.

It's gold dust from God, again - after a really long time. :)

Eng Han is excited "I prayed for signs and wonders!"

I'm looking forward to more signs and wonders - we've only just begun!

In Your Hands

2009-01-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

1 Do not fret because of evil men

or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,

like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret — it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,

but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land

and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous

and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the LORD laughs at the wicked,

for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword

and bend the bow

to bring down the poor and needy,

to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts

and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have

than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,

but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,

and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;

in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:

The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,

they will vanish — vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow but do not repay,

but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,

but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,

he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,

for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,

yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken

or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;

their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;

then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just

and will not forsake his faithful ones.

They will be protected forever,

but the offspring of the wicked will be ut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land

and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,

and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;

his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,

seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power

or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD

and keep his way.

He will exalt you to inherit the land;

when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man

flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;

though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;

there is a future for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;

the future of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;

he is their stronghold in times of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;

he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,

because they take refuge in him.

~ Psalm 37

Lord.

Today I fasted 12 hours - believing for LY's husband to slide back to you, and to hear clearly about my move...

I went to buy my gym shorts. As I was returning from the ATM to the store to pay for my purchases a young girl stopped me and I gave her a nasty look. But she persisted. It was a fundraising effort for High Point. Holy Spirit spoke "Give her $50." I thought "That's nuts, I'm trying to save money!" I tried to shut off the voice - I let her keep talking. The name didn't grab me - till I looked at the address and it was in Geylang. I looked closer and I saw Daniel Jesudason's name - and remembered we met at UNIFEM. He ran a church that reached out to prostitutes. That was you, talking to me about WMD again - third time in a row. I know it is my destiny. So I gave her $50, and we chatted about High Point, and about her waiting to go to NJC.

Lord - you made a point. I know I've stopped giving - I know I give grudging to you now, in church. I'm defending my giving "$80 - Lord it's okay right?" I know I haven't really sought out who to help - been a long time. I remember the days I had a couple of hundred to my name, and I had your Spirit and I gave, happily, joyfully, knowing it went to someone You cared about.

What happened? Why, when I have more now than I have ever had - a great house, a stable job - am I scrimping? Why am I running scared? I had prided myself on the one area - I thought I'm the best giver ever. But my motives have been wrong. Lord, I repent.

I have not given in love. I have not looked for someone to give to, to bring Your love to them... Lord, I'm sorry.

Father please accept my offerings. All I have is yours - I've said it, now I want to mean it. I have $15000 in the bank again ... it's all I have. I have to pay my bills, which are now substantially more... But Lord, You said in your word, do not worry about food or what I am to wear. I know you will provide - I believe it, I confess it, that You give me the power to get wealth, and I shall use that power, and I will get wealth.

But Lord YOU are my precious. You have given me everything else -I don't want everything else to be my precious -I want YOU.

Lord, draw me close to You. Never let me go. You're all I want. Bring me to the next level - closer, closer to You. More of You. I want to know You the way You know me...

Talent Time

2009-01-09T12:51:00.006+08:00

(Originally blogged by mistake on 7 Jan)

To one he gave give talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master' he said, 'you entrusted me wiht five talents. See, I have gained five more.'

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

~ Matthew 25: 15-21 (NIV)

Funny. This morning I was thinking about money (or rather, experiencing that panic-inducing train of thought when one's bank account goes from 6 to 5 to 4 figures). I was thinking, should I take my husband out for our 14th anniversary and spend that money? And, I need to colour my hair - should I just do a bottle rinse and forget the nice hair? And, I know I need to get to the gym - but maybe I should postpone, I need the money...

Pastor always says, "God doesn't have a problem with us having money. He has a problem with money having us."

Have I got to that point? But then again, I know I need to be prudent, for Bible does say the wise grow their money by saving, little by little.

All this comes at a point when I am thinking of moving on and leaving my "stable" job. I should be wise and save this cash. But each seems a necessary expense. Does every necessary expense have to be in the hundreds. And I haven't cleared my credit card bills yet.

*throat tightening, breath growing shallow and rapid*

But GOD reminded me, as I searched for verses containing the word "money" this morning, what He told me at the end of last year, and what He said at the beginning of this year. I asked, Do I deserve $15,000 a month? I have been stuck (actually, gone backwards) at the same amount of salary for the last 10 years. But we are expected to go from glory to glory, so obviously, I am not fulfilling my full potential. And is what I am thinking of doing - creating multiple streams of income that could potentially be very exhausting! - the right thing to do?

The Lord told me tha tI have been given five talents. So far, I have only been trading one - that's why my income is so low. I HAVE these other four talents, time to make them work.

One day God's going to come back — Payback Time! — and what will I have multiplied?

Multiplcation — another intriguing concept. Am I to turn my talent into money — I know I am to "put my talents to work". By multiplying, is that just money or am I right to think, by exercising what I do have in my brain, I am growing my repertoire. Practice makes perfect, after all.

The feeling of panic hasn't fully subsided, but I shall put all my trust in my God, my Jesus. I pray today for wisdom — should we do that celebration, or perhaps just go for dinner? I pray for all the money owed to my agency to be paid in 2 weeks, so that I can have some income from there as well.

After all, Father, all I have is yours. I am only the steward. So I ask for Your wisdom, how to spend, how to apportion my money, how to save. Help me keep better records, help me be prudent, help me to save. I don't want to use Building Fund as an excuse — so help me gain back all the money I did to pay for Building Fund, so I'm not taking it out of my savings.

I shall walk this day in victory. I shall have You by my side in all that I do today. I pray for Your favour in all I do.

I do not have a spirit of fear — but POWER, love and a sound mind. I have the POWER to get wealth because You have given it to me. I receive it, and I will put that power to work.

Thank you Lord.

That's What Words Are For

2009-01-06T07:53:00.005+08:00

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,

and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in his heart.

For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.

~Luke 6:45 (NIV)

The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.

~Psalm 37:30

My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding.

~Psalm 49:2-4

Words. I have made them my life. Since I was six, when I wrote my first song, till the 42 years I am now, words have been what has given me voice, framed my world, determined what I have been, given me a career, allowed me to touch hearts, been used to cut people down (bad!), and to give God praise.

That the utterance from my heart should give understanding, chastens me.

Lately I have been so annoyed at work that my words have been negative, mocking, and basically making my world more and more miserable. Instead my words should be positive, turning around what is bad - for I know there is power in the tongue.

This morning, waiting for the school bus with my friend and her daughter, we talked about a cancer patient who is feeling worse and worse - because she's feeling sorry for herself, saying things like "nobody cares about me" etc. Whatever you say, you get. My mom got better when she started helping others with cancer. Her cancer came back when she said it was going to.

What about me? How are my words framing my life in a good or bad way? My negative confessions about the boss are making things worse for me - she really does seem to have it in for me now! So - it is good in the office, my work is appreciated, I will be zai, I will be helpful, I will have fun for however long I remain in this place. I will be the salt and light, not the bitter pill.

I shall be the worldwide best-selling author of a fiction series.

I shall capture the exciting new world where West really meets East.

My heroes shall be righteous.

I shall be able to serve City News and Harvest Times effectively.

I shall be anointed to come up with a great campaign for Reborne.

I shall make $15,000 a month by the middle of this year.

I like these words :)

Lord, thank you that You have given us the power of the tongue - just like you, we have the ability to speak life or death into a situation, and help me to always speak life.

Perfect Love

2009-01-04T22:42:00.004+08:00

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

~ 1 John 4:18

This verse has captivated me and confused me for a very long time. For a season, I totally forgot about it. Too busy with work, too caught up with kids...

But now this is a period that the world is in fear. Yesterday my 10-year-old son made such an astute observation. He read the papers for 3 minutes, then came up to me and asked, "Why is the news in the newspapers always bad news?"

Isn't that true? Our pastor mentioned yesterday that there seems to be more "value" in bad news than good. As if people wake up eager to pick up the papers and read Bad News. *LOL* It's true. I personally think it's the whole "misery loves company" adage come alive - the very reason why gossip is so attractive.

But perfect love casts out all fear. How does that work? If I know God's perfect love, then I have no fear. But since sometimes I do feel fear, then does it mean, I don't know God's perfect love?

That must be - to some extent. I do know that when I first fell in love with Jesus, I was not afraid of anything. I wasn't even afraid of dying. I understood with every fibre of my being what he meant when Paul said, to be away from the body is to be with the Lord.

This love carried me through five very very tough years - when my mother died, God's love was what carried me supernaturally, filled me with such unspeakable joy at the knowledge of my mother in Jesus' arms, where she had longed to be for the many years she suffered from cancer. His love carried me through the death of my father and the two exhausting years that followed during which I had to clear our my parents' home, all 42 years of memories. What do you do with a keychain that is so ugly you can't believe it can exist but which you know your father spent a truckload of money on because it's trimmed in pure gold?

I admit I have not felt love at that fiery level for a few years now. Even though when the presence of the Lord fills my room I am reduced to tears, even though when I think about heaven, I want to be there soon, to be with my Lord, to see His face with my eyes, to hear His wonderful voice, to dance with Him, I feel for a moment again, I could die for Him. I miss that fullness of knowledge of His love for me.

So I pursue this perfect love that only God can give me. I pray it doesn't take a tragedy to feel it again, but that by faith I decide God's love is my peace. I shall not want, I shall not fear. Sure, I will walk through the valley of darkness - not to be flippant but, been there done that - but I choose to remember no evil will befall me, because He is my shepherd. Even right now, He prepares a table for me in the sight of my enemies — I don't have to fear any harm at all.

Father, let Your love flood me, my mind, my heart, my spirit, my mouth. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I repent of my lukewarmness - I also repent of my impatient behaviour at church today - bless that driver from that church! I repent of wishing I could run over his toes.

Let Your love guide me - guide husband, guide children.

Love you Lord

Diligently Seeking His Face

2009-01-03T08:48:00.004+08:00

This morning as I sat reading the Psalms (21, 22, 23, 24, 25) I came across a verse I had highlighted 4 years ago. (I have one of those Bibles with a wide margin for notes, so I'd scribble revelations or just observations and date them)

"The Lord confides in those who fear Him,

and makes His covenant known to them."

~Psalm 25:14 (NIV)

Imagine - the Lord God, Elohim, El Shaddai, confiding in you. Telling you stuff that's on His mind. The very mind that created the heavens and the earth.

How much must God love me and want to be with me and have meaningful conversations? Do I want to be with Him as much as He wants to be with me? When was the last time I had a meaningful conversation with God?

In my pride of course I said, Well I'm doing my quiet time, aren't I?

But that struck me - reminded me of something I read a long time ago. Often, I think I

seek His face and an intimacy with Him. But in reality, I seek His hands and a gift from Him.

Back in BSF classes we learned, always seek the Blesser, not the blessing.

To be honest, I want both. But yes, always seek GOD first... and the rest will come naturally.

So will God confide in me today? How will I hear Him?

Only by the power of the Holy Spirit, who says what He hears from the Father.

I have an answer about a new freelance job I am about to begin. I know how to calculate my wages, and I know it came from God, because the amount is remarkably fair for both my client and I, and the hours are reasonable.

The flesh comes in, of course, and reminds me that my baby's playschool fees will already suck up 1/4 of what I take home. And what about Building Fund - that's totally not accounted for. Will I have to take it out of my savings again - for the 4th year?

BUT GOD said, "Do not fear." I have a spirit of power, a spirit of love, a spirit of a sound mind. I reject the spirit of fear - it has no place in my universe. Let's not waste time.

Lord - I want to seek Your face. I long to be in Your embrace. To hear your voice like a

thousand trumpets whisper into my heart, You love me, You care for what I care for. To feel You draw me near, to see what You want me to see. To have visions and dreams of You again - it's been too long.

I found this picture of the Shroud of Turin. Back in my Catholic days this was one of the things that I found most fascinating - that there was physical proof Jesus lived and died and was buried, and most excitingly, escaped his burial clothes without unravelling this piece of cloth over his face! WOW! Of course, my life was transformed later not just by the idea of the Shroud but a very real, life-shattering encounter with Jesus ALIVE. And my life has never been the same again.

But still, that Shroud. That face. (Check out shroudofturin.blogspot.com - fascinating argument)

Love you, Lord.

Renew My Strength

2009-01-02T10:21:00.002+08:00

But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

~ Isaiah 40:31

It's the second day of 2009. I made a pact with myself, I shall take my prayer journal online this year. Been very lazy updating my personal handwritten prayer journal - not helped in anyway that my handwriting looks like werthyilwthesthese days.

Lord God - I'm standing on a cliff. I feel like I have two choices: I can stand here rooted, not moving, going nowhere fast; or I can jump and trust that You have prepared much better things for me beyond what my eye can see.

Vanilla was a great break. After five years of furious freelancing, spending time with my two older children, having time to do stuff with WMD and attempt to change lives - Vanilla came like a 13-month-long movie that I sat down to watch with a year's worth of popcorn and Diet Coke.

Taking a break can sometimes make you blinded and weak-kneed at the prospect of coming back out into the daylight.

But the Vanilla movie is over now, they're sweeping up the popcorn from the floor. I'm sitting in this seat kind of just raising my knees as the cleaners do their job - feeling like I should be leaving, but I'm so comfortable.

Who wouldn't be - monthly pay. Season parking. Transport and mobile allowances... nice gig. But the work - if that's what you can call it - the work is intermittent and the purpose opaque. My "calling" has long hung up on this one. And as far as I can tell, my bosses have no real plans for me, apart from plugging holes and fighting fires. I'm the Amah-On-Wheels, on call.

Not what God has purposed for me to do, and just this past week I have come to realise it. My God has this very gentle way of waking me up. Holy Spirit never shouts - He uses "dawning of realisation" to great effect. Very subtle and stylish.

Instead I am called to pick up my plough where I last left it. "My burden is easy, my yoke is light", said my Lord. I will do whatever He tells me. I just pray, He WILL tell me and I'm not so ear-waxed I cannot hear clearly.

Circumcise my heart Lord. Make it yours, consecrated, set apart for you. That in all I do, all that matters is Jesus.

I go off today to 1) spend my last day off with my lovely spouse and buy the TV for our bedroom, 2) make my plans, 3) set goals with my kids, 4) set my own goals.

As Solomon asked for wisdom I also ask. But I ask for the heart of his father David - who, when he sinned, fell at your feet and asked forgiveness from you first. Forgive me for being so slow to obey. Thank You for Your patience and kindness. Thank You for asking me to trust You.

I shall soar like an eagle, my youth shall be renewed. This is the year I get back in shape: spiritually, writerly, physically.

Love you Lord.

Jesus in a butterfly

2008-08-06T14:07:00.002+08:00

Been thinking about blogging for a year.

Why thinking, not doing - don't ask. Between the last post and this, a baby, and 2 jobs have happened.

Also I oft wondered, am I still on fire for God? Does my blog title deserve the name it has or should it be "Spat-Out Lukewarm Blog" or something?

But God is good, amen? He has been so, so, so good to me and my loved ones. I'm in a job now that lets me pray with my staff, share inspiring stories with my readers and lead them one step closer to the Lord (I hope!), and now, doors are opening for bigger, more impactful things such as a potential cancer fund for young women! Glory to God - I'm just chuffed to be used by Him and so glad I walked in the path He drew out for me.

One of the biggest things weighing on my mind has been my children's spirituality. My 9-year-old boy is in Boys Brigade - still says he doesn't SEE Jesus but is beginning to get that it's faith and belief that will bring him to that point. My 7-year-old is going through a rough time in school, and has a deep longing for God but again "I can't see Him, Mommy, how do I know He's there?"

Last night, as I tucked her to bed, I shared with her a little secret I have with Jesus. A few years ago, after reading a book by Laurie Beth Jones, I was inspired to ask the Lord "If I'm ever down, or need to be reminded of you, will you send me a butterfly?" And ever since, butterflies have suddenly appeared -- next to my car window as I stop at a red light, taking morning walks which (I admit) I don't really enjoy, getting a much-needed coffee when my energy is depleted and suddenly, there is a butterfly just hovering over my head.

She was visibly cheered up. So we prayed, "Jesus, when Beth is down, will you be with her and will you send her a butterfly so she knows you are always there with her, no matter what?"

And she wept, and asked me, "Do you know why I'm crying?"

"No I don't, baby. Do you?"

"No, I don't know why. I just feel like crying."

And I told her, "That's Jesus and the Holy Spirit, filling your heart of love so full that it's coming out of your eyes." And she sniffed and nodded, and fell promptly asleep.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

2005-09-28T23:51:00.000+08:00

Heaven
Originally uploaded by Mario Bros.

They say the best remedy for a totally exhausted body and mind is praise for our God.

Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him

He leads me to still waters
I rest in the shadow of His wings.

I'm tired stupid.

Thank you Lord for listening to my incoherent prayers all day long punctuated by complaints and still loving me. Plus I'm Malappropping all my Bible verses today.

Our God is an awesome God.
Amen!

Dr Yonggi Cho in 1973, TIME magazine

2005-09-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

On the verge of a sore throat, exhausted from my first day at work and the stress of yet-un-farmed-out stories, I decided to relax this evening by subscribing to TIME magazine online, and getting full access to its archives, which are rather delicious!

I pulled out many gems, among them this WONDERFUL report on Rev David Yonggi Cho's church and the Pentacostal revival in 1973 (that's 32 years ago!!). Rev Cho's church today is reportedly 850,000 member strong today. When this article came out, it had 10,000 members!

There have been many skeptics and critics of Dr Cho's church. I personally don't have an opinion as I have not watched his TV show or read his books. All I know is that we must judge a tree by its fruit. 850,000 sounds like good fruit — but not unless Jesus is the sole and sovereign Lord of that tree!

Anyway ... presenting:

TIME MAGAZINE

Oct. 8, 1973
Seventeen years ago, as he tells it, a young Korean named Yonggi Cho was waiting to die of tuberculosis when a girl gave him a Bible. He converted to Christianity and his tuberculosis was promptly checked, though not cured. Ordered out of his Buddhist parents' home for renouncing their faith, Cho huddled in his shabby lodgings one night, praying for a full recovery. "Suddenly the room was filled with light," he recalls. "I looked about me and saw two feet. I did not know who he was until I saw the crown of thorns piercing his temple, the blood streaming down. My lips and tongue began to speak in a strange language."
Now a robust 38, the Rev. Yonggi Cho has just finished playing host to thousands of other Christians at his 10,000-seat Full Gospel Central Church on Seoul's Yoido Island. For five days, Pentecostalists from 50 countries jammed his church for the morning sessions of the tenth triennial Pentecostal World Conference. The Seoul meeting was essentially a gathering of such "classical" Pentecostal denominations as the Assemblies of God, churches that grew out of a turn-of-the-century burst of religious enthusiasm for a direct experience of God through the Holy Spirit. Now numbering a claimed 20 million adherents worldwide, the "classicals" at the Korean conference were joined by enthusiasts from more recent Pentecostal flowerings. Many neo-Pentecostals from Presbyterian, Anglican and other mainstream churches also attended, and a sprinkling of Catholic priests in Roman collars represented the burgeoning Catholic Charismatic movement (TIME, June 18).

The choice of Korea for the conference site was no mere geographical courtesy. While Pentecostalism is spreading like a spiritual wildfire around the world, its progress in Asia is particularly remarkable. Much of the boom has been in Korea, where only 90 years ago the penalty for being a Christian was death.

Pentecostal missionaries were later than others in proselytizing Korea. Even so, when the first Assemblies of God missionary arrived from the U.S. in 1952, there were already longstanding groups of Christians who practiced such Pentecostal "charisms" as healing and glossolalia—the prayerful or prophetic "speaking in tongues."

Pastor Cho estimates that as many as 1,000,000 out of the 4,000,000 Korean Christians have since received the "baptism in the Holy Spirit"—the inner, direct experience of the Holy Spirit's blessing that Pentecostalists regard as a necessary condition for a full spiritual life. Korea's growing Christian fervor is not only Pentecostalist, though.

In May a Billy Graham crusade in Seoul drew an estimated 1,000,000 people to the final rally—possibly the largest revival gathering in history.

Pentecostalism has also won adherents in the islands of Islamic Indonesia, especially Timor. Some 1.5 million of Indonesia's estimated 8,000,000 Christians are associated with Pentecostal or charismatic churches. Thousands have joined the movement since an abortive Communist uprising in 1965 was bloodily put down; this has led sociologists to suggest that at least some simply want ed to avoid suspicion of being Communist atheists. But a bigger attraction may have been the widespread reports of Pentecostal miracles on Timor, including such New Testament specialties as raising the dead, walking on water and turning water into wine. While such sensational "miracles" have not held up under serious checking, reports of other supernatural incidents—such as healings and profound spiritual reformations —have been more difficult to refute.

In the Philippines, Pentecostalism is growing through two channels. The more classical version is prospering especially through mail-order Bible courses, which have been growing at the rate of 1,500 new enrollees per month. Philippine Catholics are also experiencing a Pentecostal fervor, with some 100 priests, 500 nuns, and 15,000 laymen involved; they are even sending missionaries to Latin America and to other Asian countries. Many of Japan's small but vigorous Catholic population (350,000) are embracing Pentecostalism. The Kobe-Osaka area alone has a dozen Catholic Charismatic prayer groups.

Fertile Ground. Malaysia is so familiar with the movement that the Malaysian Council of Churches speaks matter-of-factly about "Spirit-filled" Christians among its Anglican and Methodist constituents. The Anglican Bishop of Singapore, the Rt. Rev. Chiu Ban It, has himself received the baptism in the Spirit and is an enthusiastic backer of Pentecostal spirituality.

Why the great surge of Pentecostalism across Asia? One major reason is the Pentecostal emphasis on direct personal encounter with the Holy Spirit.

This gives Asian converts the feeling of immediate spiritual equality with Westerners, something that often is not encouraged by the involved liturgy and theology of other Christian churches.

The sense of equality is enhanced by a tendency of missionaries in the classical Pentecostal denominations to hand over leadership to local followers faster than other missionaries have done.

Asian Pentecostalism has prospered most spectacularly in the aftermath of turmoil. Pentecostal leaders are now looking toward wounded Bangladesh, which Dr. Philip Hogan, foreign missions director for the Assemblies of God, calls the "Christian opportunity of this age." Already Hogan is receiving reports of thousands of conversions there.

So far, only a few Pentecostalist missionaries have ventured into ravaged South Viet Nam. Among them is an enterprising Assemblies of God church that holds services, Bible classes and prayer meetings in Saigon's abandoned U.S.O. headquarters. If desolation is indeed fertile ground for Pentecostalism, South Viet Nam could well be the next country to witness an outpouring of the Spirit in Asia.

Why Tom Cruise Never Had Kids ...

2005-08-26T15:25:00.000+08:00

While researching celebrities that have fought child sex abuse I came across this hilarious (if very disturbing) article on how Scientologists torture children.

"[Scientology founder Ron] Hubbard also believes that it's pretty difficult to make a child grow up to be a pervert, and his description of what can lead to perversions is an example of Hubbard's amazing imagination and facility for cataloging a variety of unbelievable tortures: 'Kicking a baby's head in, running him over with a steam roller, cutting him in half with a rusty knife, boiling him in lysol, and all the while with crazy people screaming the most horrifying and unprintable things at him.'"

Yikes.

And this is what one Scientologist taught her class of 3-11 year olds:

"Then came the death lessons.{11}

Miss Hoad told twenty-five of her pupils to "close your eyes. Concentrate. Now imagine you are dying. Imagine you are dead. Now you have turned to dust and ashes. Now imagine you are putting the ashes back inside yourself." These "death lessons," as they came to be called, were given behind locked doors with a "Do Not Disturb" sign outside, and the children were told "never think about these lessons after they are over," which suggested to many that she was warning the children not to tell their parents about it.

But one nine-year-old pupil became so depressed after the lessons that her mother had to take her to a doctor and she whispered the secret to him. Another child, after ointment was rubbed on her chest for a cold said "Mummy, I am going to die. I feel funny inside." That mother, who had perhaps heard about Hubbard's attaching an E-meter into plants to see if they could feel pain, said "Let Dr. Thompson inject his cucumbers when he thinks they are in pain. But let him leave my daughter alone."

All I can say is I'm GLAD Nicole Kidman left the man and took her two adopted children with her! Auditing sounds like brainwashing and you can even use it to totally wipe out your conscience, so it would seem ...

This is evil like I've never seen — bet even satan was pretty impressed.

Pop quiz: How many demons do you think would come out of Tom Cruise if we call upon the name of Jesus to release the poor man?

What a Mighty God we serve

2005-08-25T10:21:00.000+08:00

Ever had one of those days where the Holy Spirit opens your eyes to the amazing Earth the Lord has created with simply words?

Pure sunlight bursting through a blue broth of clouds.
The tiniest green ladybird that He even places four red dots on -- what detail.
The scent of wet trees after the rain.
The mind-cleansing caress of a sudden breeze as you stand at the MRT platform.

Little reminders of just how much He loves this world, and how marvellous eternal life and our eternal dwelling is going to be.

I'm glad I know where I'm going.

KORN GUITARIST COMES TO CHRIST!

2005-08-16T10:44:00.000+08:00

I saw this this morning -- it's a half-a-year old news but I'm still excited by it.

The guitarist of rap-metal band Korn (yeah those guys with the dreadlocks and scary lyrics) Brian Welch was a drug addict. He hit rock bottom -- and just when he did he was invited to church by a pastor from Valley Bible Fellowship.

In March this year he was baptised in the Jordan River in Israel. He has given his life to Jesus -- talk about crucifying your flesh! Killing your old man! He no longer lives but Christ lives in him.

He says: "This is the book of life right here," he said, pulling a Bible from his back pocket. "It's not about religion, it's not about this church, it's not about me. It's about the book of life and everybody needs to be taught this. It's crazy, it's gonna do stuff like this, like change a guy in a rock band."

He has new tattoos: "JESUS" on his fist, and "Matthew 11:28" on his back.

*sniff* I love happy endings. You can read the whole story here.

MTV also has its take and you can listen to clips of Brian talking about his new life.

What can I say? PRAISE THE LORD!

Does God Love Gays?

2005-08-09T18:08:00.000+08:00

The short answer is "DEFINITELY YES!"

We are all creatures of God. Our God longs to see us discover the Truth and come back to Him. But whether or not we are children of God is another matter altogether. Only children get to inherit the kingdom.

Can gays be children of God? Yes. So can fornicators, murderers, liars, thieves — when they accept the work of Jesus on the cross, pronounce Jesus to be the Lord of their lives, and are washed by the blood of the Lamb.

If they do this with all their hearts, they will realise that they no longer have a desire to sin. They will want to live for Christ, and to obey His commandments, and to work out their salvation with fear and trembling. That means no more sin.

And yes they will be enabled by the helper God the Father sends to them, by the baptism of the Holy Spirit, to live only for Christ and to die to self.

I know this is true. I was addicted to a great many sins. The night I was baptised in the Holy Spirit, the anointing broke so many yokes and bondages that I literally overnight lost my wicked desires. I couldn't believe it. But suddenly I didn't have any urge to do any of the stuff I did before. It was like I was possessed (actually I WAS! The Holy Spirit had come to live and all the demons had to go, sorry, party's over). In fact when I walked in to my house after that I felt spirits in my house for the first time in seven years. Of course -- they didn't like the "stranger" I'd brought home! They were quickly cast out.

But I digress. I guess my point is this: if you are truly a Christian and you are fully given to the Lord (ie you have surrendered every bit of yourself to God, that is there is 0% of you and 100% of Him) I can GUARANTEE you, you will not have a gay lifestyle any more. It will be totally incongruous with your sold-out-to-Jesus self.

A homosexual lifestyle is a sin. So is blasphemy (which I think in fact is worse since it appears much earlier in God's list of don'ts), covetousness, murder, theft, lying, disrespecting your parents, and the mother of all sins: not putting God first in your life (aka having idols before Him. Idols can range from actual idols to things like money, your job, your husband etc).

So I refuse to get embroiled in the whole "attacking gays" thing. I don't approve of it.

I know the gay-Christian debate is a long and heated one. I probably know it better than most because Focus On The Family actually asked me to help them to put together a fight against then-PM Goh Chok Tong's embrace of all things gay (propelled no doubt by the pink tourist dollar).

I turned them down. I was neither ready nor did I agree with their full-on attack of gays. You don't win anyone to Christ by abusing them or making them feel like freaks. You show them that there is nothing the love of Jesus cannot overcome.

But YES, fundamentally, a homosexual lifestyle IS a sin.
- It goes against what God created Man and Woman to be (Gen
- God calls it an abomination (Leviticus
- He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrhoa which was a town given to homosexual promiscuity

There are many instances in the Bible that this is definitely not on God's "can do" list.

But let's at NO point forget that God also said no to idol worship and a long list of evils in the Pentateuch. A sin is a sin. If you are Christian, and you're doing something -- anything -- that keeps you away from God, LOSE IT.

It is that simple.

Why is the gay lifestyle so hard to break? Why do people who call themselves homosexuals not believe that they can be anything else?

Because we have been lied to and we have believed the lies:
- homosexuals are born not made
- once gay always gay
- be true to yourself
- you're too cool to be straight
- straight people are boring
- gay sex is hotter than straight sex (not true, all sex can be hot or it can be pathetic)
- forbidden fruit tastes sweeter
- every man hs the propensity to be gay
- nobody can love a woman the way a woman wants to be loved except another woman
- lesbian sex is gentle and loving unlike heterosexual sex
etc etc etc

Some people think it is or they want to make it a thing about hets vs gays. It is not about that at all, so get over it. Whether you are straight or gay, if you are a blasphemer and an idol worshipper, you are in the same boat. The gay person isn't "more wrong" than the straight. Because in God's eyes, a sin is a sin and what is Holy cannot be together with what is unholy.

The answer to every problem is Jesus. While we are placed in this world to be a light in the world, we truly are only pilgrims. This is only our temporary residence — and as Christians we all want to live in the mansion Christ has gone to prepare for us. So it really doesn't matter if you are gay (as in, you have had sex with someone of the same sex and tend to prefer having relationships with someone of the same sex). What is important is this:
- do you love Jesus?
- if you love Jesus you will obey Him
- if you obey Him you will not sin wilfully, ie you know a gay lifestyle is a sin (probably along with the lies, etc) then you will give that up willingly to follow him
- if you don't want to give that up then you are not dying to self. Keep praying and keep working out your salvation.

In order to come into the holy presence of the Lord we must be holy. We must be pure and our hearts must be 100% set on Him or we cannot enter into that sweet presence. If we have sexual impurity whether gay or straight, we cannot please God.

These are my thoughts on the matter, Part One. Another day I will share about my best gay friend and why I still cry when I think about him.

Festival Of Praise! Don't miss it!

2005-08-06T00:24:00.000+08:00

If you're reading this and are free tonight (Sat 6 Aug or Sun 7 Aug), head down to Indoor Stadium by 6pm, and attend the Festival of Praise!

I went tonight and it was packed to the rafters -- and AWESOME!

Apart from an extraordinary heat from the lighting, the stadium was filled with the awesome presence of God. Anyone who remotely would like a refreshing touch of the Lord, don't miss this.

The 2 bands playing are Hillsong (which everyone knows) and Delirious? a UK band that has hit the Brit Top 20 before. They RAWK! I know their songs, like History Maker, Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble, and the ever popular I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever, but I don't own a Delirious CD. Well! I will now! Rocking for God is quite a new experience for me -- Hillsong's joyful sounds are more the stuff on my iPod but if you like U2 you will like Delirious. They kick bigtime demon butt.

The guest speaker who preaches on Apostolic Faith (as in bold, not-shy, incredible, dai-dum sort of faith) is Rev Colin Dye of Kensington Temple of London, poss the largest and fastest growing church in the UK with 12,000 in its congregation.

My son had fun jumping to One Way (Jesus)! It was great to share a concert with my kids (although they ended up going home early when the preaching started).

Awesome. Indoor Stadium. Get there by 6 -- doors open 6.30. Concert starts 7.30, ends 10.30. You won't regret it. The altar call was mighty amazing -- streams of people responding to the touch of Jesus and asking Him to be their personal saviour and friend.

In moments like these, I cry tears of joy.

Heaven Is So Real!

2005-08-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

I have just finished an incredible book, Heaven Is So Real! by Choo Thomas.

I admit when I first passed it by I picked it up, looked at the "aunty" at the back plus the blurb which was filled with exclamation marks, that I laughed and put it back.

A friend mentioned it to me and I figured, If I have the time after all my Smith Wigglesworth books ...

I passed it by again last weekend at the Life! bookstore at Parkway Parade. I decided to get it. I read it in 2 days.

The language is not fantastic, because Choo Thomas is a Korean lady, not very well educated, who married an American. She is just a really humble little obedient servant girl of the Lord and that's that!

From 1996 over a 7-year period, Jesus Christ appeared to Choo Thomas, and brought her to heaven. In this book she shares all these incredible things she has seen in heaven: the mansions that Jesus promised his children in John 14:2; the pit of hell where she saw her own mother; she even goes fishing with Jesus.

Jesus did this so that He could prepare Choo Thomas to write this book, this end-time work that would encourage the faithful who love Jesus and are following his commandments, and to warn all lukewarm Christians and unbelievers to get right with Jesus because He is coming soon!

Admittedly some parts of the book shocked me, like her description of where lukewarm Christians go: she saw them walking dejectedly near the pit of Hell, vs the rich, beautiful, intense Heaven that we all want to go to. This I'm sure will be criticised and pooh-poohed by bible scholars but you know what, many of the details of her visions are identical to what I've seen in visions given to me, so I tend to believe that she's speaking the truth. As Rev David Yonggi Cho says in the foreword, this is not a doctrinal book, but a personal account of one woman's experience with the Lord Jesus.

I do recommend it highly -- it's not the most well-written book but it is very passionate and I'm sure you will be blessed and maybe even feel a deep longing for a similarly deep experience of Christ.

This is meant to be an End-Time book that will convince non-believers and lukewarm Christians to get right with God and FAST. The day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night -- and there will be no more bargaining then. It's Heaven or Hell.

I admit it disturbed me, the thing about lukewarm Christians. Jesus said that He will spit them out (Rev 3:16). And there will be those who go think they're doing all the right things but have never known Jesus or don't obey His Word (Luke 13:26-27) to them Jesus will say He never knew them either. The road is very very narrow indeed. Our salvation is not secure till the last day, guys. We are to work it out, with fear and trembling. I DO fear and tremble -- good grief, I'd never want to lose this! But if we let the devil get a foothold, the foothold can become a milehold, and we can be lost.

I pray for all who read this blog that we might go from strength to strength in our walk with Jesus. That has amazing rewards in itself -- just see what Choo Thomas received when she simply chose to be obedient. I pray all of you to experience and to walk in the perfect will of our God, which is always good!

Heaven Is So Real! is available at most Christian bookstores for S$16.90.

About Face: Mom's Story - Final Chapter

2005-07-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

I interviewed a mom with a little girl who has Apert Syndrome: it's a genetic disorder in which the face appears to be sunken in the middle (so the forehead protrudes and looks too big). The little girl is bright, cheerful and so beautiful a person -- I can say she's much better behaved than a lot of normal kids I've met (including my own!).

Tonight as I researched further about Apert I came across this beautiful blog by a girl Vicki who has Apert too, and here she shares a story her mother wrote about having her.

I'm in tears -- our God is a great God. Hard to fathom at times but He never makes a mistake. No one, no matter how disfigured to our fleshly eye, is a mistake.

I pray you are blessed by this as much as I was.

About Face: Mom's Story - Final Chapter

A Voice God Made!

2005-07-30T18:14:00.000+08:00

WOW!

Last night at church a guest singer came to play. Her name is Deb Fung. Gorgeous girl, great skin, great hair, but what was stunning was her deep love for the Lord.

I always experience such a giant leap in the Spirit when I see/hear talent that comes straight from Heaven. Yes they might have been through years of training to hone it but it's a natural talent that is what the world calls the X Factor. It's the God factor.

Deb Fung has the God factor. Her voice is earthy and ethereal at the same time but it has this incredible power to pierce your soul. She put Psalm 139 to music, and the song lifted off and took me through clouds up towards Heaven.

Gotta get her albums. A shy young woman who loves God so much — Heaven will be populated with such as she. She was a church mate of my sister-in-law's husband and he can't believe she's already got 2 albums under her belt. Wow the power of obeying God!

God is GOOD!

Zero marks for this evangelist

2005-07-27T22:25:00.000+08:00

Sighhhh.

According to the Bible, I am supposed to be empowered to preach the gospel to the ends of the earth, cast out demons, heal the sick and they will recover, pray in new tongues et al.

So how come I am such a terrible evangelist? It seems the easiest of all the above.

I invited my good friend M to a BBG session. She obediently came. I didn't check if it did anything for her (though I know it's not about her, it's about Him) and asked her again. And again.

Finally today she said, "Don't call me. I'll call you."

Fail! Can't even evangelise to a good friend. How like that? No hope already lah. Liao!

Thinking about it, I guess it wasn't so much evangelising I was doing, but bugging the hair off the woman's head. It wasn't of the Spirit coz if it were I wouldn't have to ask her to come back, right?

Still, God loves a persistent saint. I know He loves me.

He's just shaking His head and patting mine. There there.

I love my friend. God asked me two months ago "Who are the people who constantly come to you for help and prayer?" and she was the first person on my mind. And the Lord revealed that I needed to help her, to guide her into a closer and stronger relationship with Him so that she can start being used by Him in bigger and bigger things.

Our relationship with God is the complete opposite of what we grow up learning. We have first to give Him everything, put Him first, then He will have faith to work on, and blessings to shower down. If we give Him nothing, He can't give us anything. We grew up learning that you better not reveal that you love someone in case He doesn't love you back.

But our God always had, does and will love us.

Beyond loving us, He wants us to have a living and exciting relationship with Him. Once a week Sunday praise and worship Hallelujah ain't the be all and end all. We are saved for good works. It's like being hired for a job. You're expected to learn the ropes fast and obey and perform and get the promotion. You can't stay at entry level for the rest of your life. Neither you nor God will be happy.

If M could see what God has in store for her! If she could see the plans He has for her, to give her a future and a hope!!! I wish she could see!!! Because then she'd be rushing to get closer faster, and not waste one minute.

But until the Holy Spirit gives her that vision I have to be her cheerleader, her encourager, her friend. I won't give up -- she's too precious to God, and I've been tagged with the assignment and I intend to obey. Not going to have to appear in front of the Lord and have it held against me that I did nothing to help her grow.

Of course the lesson for me is that I did not pray whether I should ask her to BBG. It's a very intense cell group, not your average happy happy feelgood party. It can be scary to hear everyone praying so loudly in tongues, to see people drop like flies by the power of the Spirit, to see gold dust appear out of nowhere.

I am praying now, and I do know God just wants me to lead her, gently. You can't push a horse (I better not say mule or she will royally slap me when she sees this), it'll just sit on you. There are so many ways that Jesus can reveal HImself, as long as we study the Word, because He IS His Word.

I pray for her forgiveness and for her NOT to harden her heart or I will have some major answering to do. I pray for the perfect Bible Study programme for her -- I realise I might not even be part of her journey in that direction. Most of all I pray that I will exercise wisdom and love and not rush people into things they are not comfortable with, because Jesus never rushed anyone. He only convicted them, and they came running to Him.

Sex, God and Fake Christians

2005-07-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

Fake Christians. Everybody knows one. Or ten.

Like fake Prada bags they wear the correct signage (the cross) on the outside, but when you look inside they're lined with cheap tearable synthetic cloth and the seams are in disarray. And you might find a fake Christian Dior wallet in there as well.

Signs of a fake Christian:
- they may go to church (as in their bodies are physically in the church building)
- they don't go to church because "God is not only in church"
- they wear a cross religiously like Edie Britt
- they tell you they're Christian
- they're having sex with three different people
- they don't give up their seats on the MRT which belong to the old, pregnant and sickly
- they lie
- they cheat
- they use their "Christian" membership to get you to buy their products/services
- they covet
- they smoke
- they gamble
- they go clubbing and get drunk/puke/pick up some stranger
- they tell the girl they impregnated to go and have an abortion
- they break all the 10 commandments but happily tell you they have been saved by grace
- they may quote you Bible verses, but they use them to justify their actions, or they use them to twist the word so they'll get their way
- basically they are unrepentant

Some Christians are still working out their salvation, perhaps trying to get rid of their gambling habit, or struggling with a bad marriage to an unyoked partner. But they are repentant. They know they've sinned — which is not just doing bad stuff but disrespecting God and His rules. They know they need God and they know God is a Holy God who cannot have anything to do with sin. These are true Christians who want to die to self so that the power of God can be made full in them.

I read a blog by a young woman who says she's Christian but lives like satan's youngest daughter. She is most certainly not a Christian, though she may not realise it and is clinging to the lie that when she is nice and ready to give up her promiscuity, God will just be waiting for her with open arms. Well, she might die before that happens.

While I know she is out for shock value, I also know she'll be the one who's shocked when she has to answer to God for not just her sins of which she is blatantly unrepentant, but for her blasphemy. I strive to pray for her -- because I recognise so much of my old psyche in her. I can only say from experience that the day she realises that using sex as a measure of value is not only foolish but destructive as well. It is dignity you rob yourself of, and you will reach a point where you cannot even face yourself in the mirror. I pray when that day comes, and believe me it will, that Jesus will be merciful as He was to me.

Sex isn't really about the act of sex. Sex has been twisted to become about social value. The devil has cleverly used sex as a weapon to divide man and woman. Women fall for satan's value system: you're only good if you're good in bed. So women compete against each other to give the best sex. What are the results?

- You're made to feel pathetic if you're a virgin at 16!
- Teen pregnancies and infanticide -- who's feeling sexy now?
- Guys grading women on sexiness and sexual performance -- and women grading themselves on the same butcher scale! HELLO?!!
- Emotional rollercoastering, because we're not made to sleep with so many people. We were made to find one spouse and be with that spouse for as long as we both shall live.
- Sexual addiction: you live for the next high, and with each one you plunge deeper and deeper into depression, till you have to use harder "drugs" (porn, prostitution, S&M) to get your kicks. Before you know it, you hate yourself but you feel like you can't turn back.
- No sense of self-worth because you have decided to make men and other women the judges of your self-worth, when you should make GOD the judge of you.

I could spend the whole night listing but I won't. I know it's something that many of us women go through whether or not we want to admit it, and I pray many of us get out of it. But it IS frightening to me that so many women fall prey to their own brainwashed thinking and live to regret it.

I am sure in my heart that Annabel Chong regrets what she did. Without God, she fell into the "lie" that she would be desired and given worth if she became a famous porn star. I know she reinvented herself, disappeared from the scene, and is trying to recover from that horrific past that she chose.

But I know also, like the woman at the well, until she encounters Jesus, who knows all her sins and loves her and waits to forgive her and set her free, she will always be imprisoned by her past.

This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made

2005-07-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

I will lift up my eyes to the hills —
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
<~PSALM 121, NKJV

MORE GOLD DUST PLUS ANGELS

2005-07-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

BBG is becoming more and more Spirit-filled by the week.

It's weird — I mean, it was always good, but of late, actually the last 2 months and particularly after BBG Camp 7 weeks ago, things seem to be speeding up and supernatural encounters are happening during BBG, after BBG, at home, at work, in the car ...

Golly.

Tonight our cell group leader taught on supernatural encounters — why does God give them to us, why do we need them. To be honest I started finding gold dust on my palms (THANK YOU JESUS, hehehe) and was very distracted... but one thing DID stick on my mind, and that was that if God gives you a lot of supernatural encounters they are not for fun and games, but He is strengthening you to do a very difficult task.

Many of the BBGers have been getting gold dust the whole week, so much we joked about getting gold BARS next.

Tonight many went up to be prayed for, to have fresh supernatural encounters with God. The presence of the Lord was so thick, the river of living water was gushing through the room (words are a dismal reflection of the might and glory of that river rushing through the belly and outward).

One couple fell to the floor and angels came to minister to them. I see angels in the spirit realm, and they're in many places so to me they are nearly natural occurrences. I realise it's a lovely gift to have and I praise and thank God for it. It was amazing seeing them kneeling next to the couple, working. Couldn't tell exactly what they were doing but it was I think physically healing of some sort. First time I'm seeing ministering angels (white ones), coz usually I only see the warrior angels (grey fierce looking ones that guard my Dad).

Yaevlejunce came to visit tonight. What a tall young man, and what a refreshing experience to encounter someone so young so on fire for the Lord. Young one, ask the Lord to reveal any barriers in your life, ask the Holy Spirit to help you sanctify your body, soul and mind, and I will pray for you to have a MEGA supernatural encounter with the Lord tomorrow — what a perfect birthday present, yes? Read the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians -- oops sorry Bible in the study, but it's not hard to find. Sorry I'm not a chapter and verse girl). That's what we believers need to be.

Anyway, just when I think I could not get more full of the Holy Spirit, He surprises me yet again. Isn't it an amazing God we serve, who can keep filling us and we can never drink enough?

Deliverance ...

2005-07-21T09:16:00.000+08:00

Wasn't it a Clint Eastwood movie?

My cell group leader and some other friends came over last night because I asked for a deliverance session.

For people who have watched the Exorcist, it's something like that but milder.
For people who haven't watched the Exorcist and who "don't believe" in spirits and the ilk, this would surely freak you out.

Background: Although I grew up in a convent school, was baptised at birth and my father was a faithful Novena attender, my interest in the occult began when I was about seven or eight. My uncle had a cupboard full of occultic books, and he also had a ouija board which he played with (but not in front of us kids). My parents would leave me to my own devices while they chatted with my uncle, so I'd hole myself in the cupboard and read all about astrology, palm reading, tarot cards etc.

When I was 18, studying for my A Levels there was one day I took a nap and when I woke up I could not sit up. I felt someone stepping on my chest, and I could hear an audible voice amidst a sound of rushing wind and groaning, "I'm going to get you." I remember struggling very hard to sit up. I couldn't breathe at all. I started repeating the Lord's Prayer in my mind, over and over. Finally the "person" went away.

My mother told me it was because I didn't study during the year that's why I was being punished with stress. My father dragged me off to Novena.

When I started work I developed a deep love for the Sandman comics (by Neil Gaiman, who was recently here). Gaiman's intellectual employment of religion, mythic legends and great literature seduced me deeply. I started dressing in black all the time, wearing an ankh, which is the Egyptian symbol of fertility. Basically I modelled myself after Death, a character Gaiman had created who was basically Sexy Miss Goth.

As this playacting grew deeper I started studying astrology. I wrote two astrology columns, which were always sworn by for their accuracy (hahaha! I'm sorry, if only the readers could have seen me write down 12 scenarios, put them in a box and tikam tikam, they would surely freak out). But I did study it quite deeply, and followed the moon cycles etc. Charting etc not a problem.

I could read palms, auras, do astro-travel (this one I learned from a writing workshop during my playwriting days).

Then I got into witchcraft. I just got deeper and deeper, because I was looking for something supernatural. Finally my husband couldn't take it anymore, he told me "Can you please not bring that witchcraft book to bed?"

My life was a mess. I was everyone's favourite party girl because I could read palms and always carried a tarot pack with me — who doesn't love a fortuneteller? (ME!) But I was deeply unhappy, very insecure, and wondered if I would get another chance when I died and got reincarnated.

AS YOU CAN TELL, I WAS ONE S****ED-UP CHICK.

Thank God He loved me so much He started calling me back.

After the birth of my first child I broke a lot of soul ties — no more tarot cards, I set aside my witchcraft book, no more pagan pendants hanging round my neck.

On 7 Oct 2003 I was finally born again. The realisation that I had sinned so deeply against God, offended my creator in so many ways, was painful to the core. But the amazing thing was that He could forgive me, He WANTED to forgive me and make me clean by the blood of Christ ... and I took that step of repentance and accepted Jesus, and the Father ran to me and brought me back into the kingdom.

Then I discovered that there was another kind of supernatural — that of the Holy Spirit. The spirit world definitely exists. It is folly to think you can just dismiss it by denying its presence as most people do. It exists and it wants to keep you away from the Truth of Christ.

On 1 November, the night before my mother died, I was baptised in the Holy Spirit. I was so hungry for Him, I just cried out to Him to come, and He came into me and I felt Him flow through me, through my belly, and my palms, and I broke out in tongues and wept. It was the single most incredible supernatural encounter I had had in all my years of looking for something beyond myself, in the spirit realm, and it was PURE, REAL and TRUE.

I was transformed overnight. My husband actually said to me "You're not the woman I married" (and not in a nice way, mind you, but he didn't understand back then. He does now.)

I felt set free that night, light as a feather.

But often I would see people manifest during deliverance prayer - vomitting, thrashing, screaming, as demons fought to stay in their bodies but were all cast out. I wondered with my past incantations and invitations to spirits, did I have any living in me who wouldn't go away?

I spoke to my cell group leader. He very kindly came with his wife and my other friends and they laid hands on me last night and prayed deliverance for me. I felt the Holy Spirit descend (it becomes a deep familiar feeling of "knowing") and it got very hot. As they prayed I wondered why I felt nothing ... then I felt the tiniest leap in my stomach, like a hiccup. It was not voluntary. But nothing else, just the Holy Spirit filling filling filling me. I guess when a body is completely filled with Him there's just no room for anything else.

I admit I don't feel physically different. But last night for the first time I walked through my house without the lights on and didn't feel the spirit lurking outside my children's room — PRAISE BE TO GOD!

My husband, who got prayed over as well, was so filled with the Spirit he couldn't move for 10 minutes. It was funny and wonderful!

When I shared with him later about my "non-event" deliverance session he said "it was this tiny demon, and when he poked his head out he saw these FIVE GIANT SPIRITUAL SHARKS and freaked out, and could not escape and he's gone!"

Luke 11:24: "When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left'. 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of the man is worse than the first."

V25 says the evil spirit came back to find the house EMPTY. That's the important verse, really. If you chase out demons and do not fill the space with the Holy Spirit, then you open yourself to 7 times the demonic possession. But fill yourself with the Holy Spirit and the demons will flee.

(though Smith Wigglesworth does have something to say about demon-possessed Spirit filled believers ... another day! my friend will pinch me for being so late)

Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you Holy Spirit for being inside me and guiding me even though I'm often stubborn and silly. Thank you Father for creating me. I just want to live for you.

Harry Potter: Just one in a World of Demons

2005-07-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

My sister-in-law just had a brush with Borders, regarding the new Harry Potter book.

No, actually, more accurately, it was regarding the BOX that the Harry Potter books came in.

Borders, if you are reading this, can you please not piss off teachers? They are the moulders of our children's minds and if they should go to work in a foul mood because of you, the children will suffer and the parents will get upset and everyone will boycott Borders (or better still go there and read all the books and not buy any).

Please don't call it Customer Service if you're not really planning to service the customer, only berate her/him.

Anyway, Harry Potter. Which mom doesn't wish she too made gaziilions of dollars sitting in a cafe writing books with her baby in a pram? Sign me up for THAT course! I might not agree with some of the spells in the HP series, or the amount of blood shed in the movies (seems like more and more as the series progresses, making it less and less of a viewing choice for my kids), but Joanne Rowling sure hit paydirt and I'm happy for her.

As a reader, I guzzled the first four books in a matter of days. Book 5 felt convoluted and strained to me. I hope 6 will have the smooth-flowing thrills of the first 3. But to be honest I'm a little off the series already.

I often wonder why books about the dark arts do so well. I read in The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that it is because we are all born to seek the purpose for which we are made. We have a God-shaped hole in our souls that needs to be filled. Sometimes we try to fill it with fake prophecies (horoscopes, going to the fortune teller etc). Sometimes we try to fill it with drugs and alcohol. Sometimes sex. Sometimes we look for something spiritual that seems to have a bit of what we are looking for, like Deepak Chopra's books, or for some, tarot cards and witchcraft and other varieties of divination and calling upon spirits.

It's a human fascination. We know there is something BEYOND what we see, hear, smell and touch. We know there is a spirit world but few of us know the truth about that spirit world. Harry Potter is the soft, dressed up version. Movies like the Exorcist are the creepier version (but still, it gives too much credit to the devil, haha).

How many of us will really seek the Truth, and let the truth set us free? When things as seemingly innocuous as children's fiction present the demon world in palatable formats, will we be able to see that there are demonic forces making a claim on our children's souls?

Am I overreacting? Am I a crazy religious fanatic? All I can say is, if there are demons threatening my family I'm not going to stand around and let them in, no matter how cutely they are packaged. I've seen demons destroy families, make people depressed and suicidal, cause fights, spark terrorist acts — bible says the thief (ie the devil) comes to steal, kill and destroy. There is no redeeming value in satan. So it's either we destroy his spirits and cast them into hell, or they will destroy us.

The world of demons is becoming more and more real to me as I see the sort of things that happen around us. Child sex abuse, which I fight with all my might, is demonic. Teenagers stripping and hurting other teenagers is demonic. The man sexually assaulting and killing Huang Na, that's definitely demonic.

Which is not to say that people are completely blameless. These demons need a conduit, and they will use anyone who is spiritually weak. And that's the job that Christians (REAL Christians, not demonic so-called Christians who subvert the word of God) have — we are to follow Christ's directive to repent, be baptised in water and the Holy Spirit, and to cast out demons, and heal the sick, and preach the gospel to the ends of the earth.

So maybe I won't buy Harry Potter Book 6 (and if I did, I guess it won't be from Borders).

I hope one day there will be a Christian alternative to popular reading. Books like the Da Vinci Code act to twist human minds against the truth about Jesus, that He is the Son of God, made flesh, died and resurrected to bring salvation to the world. Yes, Jesus was tempted like a man, but He was SINLESS. But unless you know this (and not with your head but with your heart), the "fiction" in DVC will have achieved its demonic purpose.

Maybe I'll bring my notebook to a cafe and write the next great series, but one that gives glory to God. Who knows?

Church & praying in tongues

2005-07-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

I have recently joined a new church. This is the one. I've found it. Call off the search.

After nearly 40 years of dead churches, churches where the youth got together to exchange boyfriend/girlfriend, churches that preached the poverty gospel ("Blessed are the poor!!!!" -- the suffix "in spirit" never clearly explained), churches that didn't have bibles, churches that claimed all the promises of the Bible only for its leaders and that did not empower their sheep ... I have finally, FINALLY stepped into God's perfect will.

And, oh, it is perfect. Praise God praise God praise God!!!

If you have ever, like me, wondered if this was all there was to being a Christian, then honey, you aren't living in the perfect will of God.

If you hear about miracles happening, people having cancers fall out of their stomachs, the cripple walking, the depressed set free from demons dwelling inside them, but have never experienced it first hand, babe, START SEARCHING.

Let me qualify: I don't think there is only one church for all of Singapore. I love the fact that God reaches us where we are. But I believe that Believers need to know their rights. If you are a happy but powerless Christian, you cannot fulfill the great Commission to go out and make disciples of the world, cast out demons, lay hands on the sick and let them recover.

These are end-times. Doesn't mean the end will happen this year, or next year, or even 50 years from now because God's timing ain't ours. But if you look at what's happening in this world: earthquakes, terrorism, bad stuff galore, you know. And in the last days, our Lord says, there will be a GREAT OUTPOURING of the Holy Spirit.

So if there is such a great outpouring, are you getting soaked? Or are you standing under the umbrella of a dead church?

I entered a bible study programme last year. We studied the book of ACTS. Acts is all about the Holy Spirit — the church was birthed out of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Peter went from bumbling fisherman to eloquent disciple maker. Saul was struck blind, turned into Paul and became the posterboy for Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

So, you would imagine that praying in tongues would be joyfully studied with great detail.

Nope. Why? Because it would cause quarrels among the different denominations. Because some churches still think that praying in tongues is:
- demonic
- for the time of Acts only
- scary mary

So for the sake of "peace" we skimmed over the topic of praying in tongues. That, if you ask me, is from the devil. If the devil can keep the secret of the power of tongues from Christians, he has in one fell swoop disabled half the army of God or whatever fraction still cling on to "No Tongue, Please".

In Acts, Jesus had told his disciples to stay in Jerusalem till His Father sent the "helper". On the day of Pentecost in the upper room, 120 disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit. Tongues of fire came upon the heads of every one, and they burst out in tongues. They prayed so loudly that all the people of Jerusalem could hear them (can you imagine?!) and the Jews with different dialects could understand what they were saying.

Until today, the only physical manifestation that you are filled with the Holy Spirit is that you pray in tongues. Which is not to say that if you don't pray in tongues you necessarily do not have the Holy Spirit. BUT it is for certain that you CAN pray in tongues.

What is tongues? When I first experienced it at my mother's deathbed (my cousin led me in the baptism of the Holy Spirit while I was sitting next to my mother, who was in a coma -- she had terminal cancer). After asking the Holy Spirit to fill me fill me fill me I felt an electric current shoot into my body, up my legs, through my stomach, out of my hands and mouth. I could hardly breathe, but a torrent of Japanese-sounding noises came out of my throat, flowing, non-stop. And when my mind finally engaged, I was praying to God — every prayer of pain and petition I ever prayed in English came out of me. It was like an IDD to God -- I felt the connection from my very spirit. It was amazing, High-speed cable connection to the Spirit of God!!!

and you know the best part? satan and his minions have NO CLUE what you're saying. So praying in tongues is your secret language to God, one only He understands. If the devil can't understand it he can't steal it.

Anyone who prays in tongues, who has experienced this amazing baptism of the Holy Spirit, will NEVER say it's not necessary. Those who say so obviously haven't got it, and instead of being a party-pooper, they should get it IMMEDIATELY. It is only attained by faith, and all they need to do is ASK. If evil men know how to give their children good gifts, how much more will our Father in Heaven give us the Holy Spirit when we ask?

I am reading a marvellous book: Praying in Tongues by Mahesh Chavda. Pastor Mahesh walks in the gifting of healing. I recommend the book highly!

Get baptised in the Holy Spirit as the Lord has commanded. Jesus was as human as we are, and it was only after he was water-baptised by John the Baptist, and the Holy Spirit entered him from Heaven, and God said "This is my son in whom I am well pleased" that Jesus' ministry began. Before that, He wasn't yet enabled to do great miracles.

So if Jesus couldn't do it before He was baptised in the Spirit, how can you or I? No amount of waving a crucifix or using a Bible to block devils can stop the work of satan. Only being FILLED wiht the Spirit, when the demons can see the Spirit of God living in you and they panic, and only by casting them out in the mighty name of Jesus, can you go forth and do what Jesus has commanded.

I believe tens of thousands of Singaporeans will come to Christ, repent, be water-baptised and baptised int he Holy Spirit. They will cast out demons, they will heal the sick. This is a GREAT time to be in God!

GOLD DUST AT BBG!

2005-07-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

Tonight was an awesome BBG meeting. I felt the presence of God descend, a glory cloud in the room (it was misty), and the tangible touch of the Holy Spirit. Kinda weird for me seeing that I didn't have any visions today (except for another brother's business -- I asked God, "And?" expecting yet another message about ME ME ME, and He said "Today is about OTHERS." So okay, we prayed for the others.

(Hahahahaa ... see, human nature always tries to get a foot in ...)

Our cell group leader had a prompting to pray for fresh visions and dreams. Some people went up to be prayed over, including Kelly, whose husband Steven has just started chemotherapy.

Kelly was the first to notice that her hands were covered in gold dust. It looks like the Prescriptives glitter powder. But there was no glitter on the floor, chairs, furniture or any place where she could have rubbed it from. And it didn't rub off. I didn't check if she tried to wash her hands.

And then Peggy was covered in gold dust, all over her hands and face.

Then Mike. Then Olive.

And when we got home, I was just laughing about "gold dust envy" that the leaders had (I had a bit too, since I don't have any gold dust ANYWHERE!) and jokingly look at my husband's hands -- and lo and behold, the man had gold dust all over his palms. I tried to rub it off and wipe it with tissue. It's still there.

I'm just happy. I can't believe what God has done in my husband's life in the last 6 weeks. I can't believe I am living in God's promise that He would bring my husband around, get him filled with the Holy Spirit, and send him to do His work.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow. Truly.

Visions Part 1b

2005-07-11T01:18:00.000+08:00

I've only recently discovered that not all Spirit-filled Christians get visions.

One sister said today she's jealous of the visions I get.

Instead of making me feel good, that comment actually disturbs me. I don't want my visions to be a stumbling block to anyone. I don't want anyone feeling like God doesn't talk to them so intimately as He does to me because that's bullpoop. He talks intimately with every one of us who seek Him.

I do wonder if I'll ever lose it. In the deepest part of my heart, I know as long as I remain hungry for more of Him, He will never let me go -- gosh that's such a wonderful thing!!!

I do wonder what is possibly the right protocol for sharing visions, however. I know it's can be very annoying when someone who has a gift that comes so naturally keeps talking about it, making me feel inadequate. So I do know how annoying I could be to people who don't get visions and wish I would shut up already.

However, visions are sometimes to be shared. I believe in that. Visions -- and all the gifts of prophecy, healing, tongues etc -- are meant to EDIFY, not drive people away.

I pray for wisdom here. I want this gift to be a blessing not a curse and certainly not something someone will curse me for!

One thing I have learned and that's not to open my gab till God has confirmed or repeated the vision, and better still when He gives me a lightning bolt to my heart, and I hear words that I can repeat, syllable for syllable.

Wisdom wisdom wisdom! Befall me please! Let this gift be used for God's purposes only, in Jesus' name!

Visions Part 1a

2005-07-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

Had a couple of visions tonight at BBG.

The first was during praise and worship, when I asked to see my Lord, and I saw Him holding up a lit candle.
"That's you. You are a light in the world."
"I'm going to burn out!"
"No, you won't. You will be always burning for me, on fire."

Christ holding me up high, and i'm supposed to burn brighter and brighter.

It's not about me. It's all about Him. It scares me a little the visions I get of what He wants me to do. But I have had enough encounters with Him to doubt (though you know I always feel like I'm like Elijah, who had amazing victories of God, calling down fire from Heaven and rain in a drought, then turned like a big chicken and fled from Queen Jezebel and asked God to let him die!)

And then, I had this vision ... a bit of history: I had been getting sporadic weird messages during prayer about a new Hollywood and music. Specific people involved were Sinead O'Connor, Mel Gibson and Oprah. Mel Gibson obviously because he directed Passion of The Christ. Oprah because she has the ear of millions. But Sinead O'Connor?! Haven't figured that one out yet. But I know better than to pooh-pooh it because three years ago I found myself praying for Ho Yeow Sun and here I stand.

Hollywood was originally created -- its original PURPOSE -- was to be a land dedicated to glorifying God. In the early 1900s, the legendary filmmaker Cecil B DeMille (who made The Ten Commandments) first came to California and settled in a small town that was giving away free land to anyone willing to build a place of worship. The town, said to be a "Christian" settlement, had a picturesque name -- Hollywood. (Excerpted from "What Hollywood Believes" by Ray Comfort)

So it was supposed to be Holywood. But today, it's quite the devil's playground. he even makes movies about himself starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Elizabeth Hurley as himself. And "God" is played by either a black guy (Morgan Freeman) or a chick (Alanis Morisette). And the world is saved from the apocalypse by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Hollywood has become the major disseminator of falsehood. We call it "escapism".

God's put it in my heart to take back that turf from the devil. He's had his fun, time to flee, in the name of Jesus!

Once every few years a spiritually-accurate movie registers on the radar: The Prince Of Egypt, which I think is beautiful and "When You Believe" makes a good modern hymn if you adjust the lyrics a little. The Passion Of The Christ, which I'm sure led a lot of people to salvation, praise God.

Tonight that Holywood image floated into my mind again. I had no idea why. Suddenly, Pastor Tan, who was talking about the PURPOSE for which things were created and talents were given, said "There are movies and films that God intends to be made that haven't even been made yet" and KABOOM! There was that lightning bolt from God.

The last time I had a lightning bolt, He said "I love you" into my heart and it meant my husband and I. At that point, my husband was not yet Spirit-filled and couldn't bear me praying in tongues, reading the Bible all day, and praying so much, so it was a bit of a stretch. But that was the faith of God, the unshakeable faith, that was placed in the heart of me and I CLUNG ON TO IT for dear life, and 18 months on, God has done everything He promised in my husband's life! PRAISE HIM!!!

So... I will cling on to this. Who knows what will happen, 18 months from now?

INTERCESSOR BURNOUT!

2005-07-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Intercession Day pour moi.

I'm very new to praying over people, being Ms Selfish and Scared New Christian. But I do know God is kicking my fat butt and saying "GO, OBEY!"

Before I embarked yesterday, I prayed very hard in the Spirit and felt Him strengthen me in the morning. In fact I was overflowing with JOY on the MRT. It's a great feeling!!! I was looking forward to meeting my pal Maire, who left for India on her very first mission trip last night.

INTERCESSION ONE: MAIRE
Maire is a bright bubbly lady who is single. She was sent by God to lead me back to Him during the worst years of my life -- my living angel! Her own walk with the Lord is a passionate, argument-filled one, and she does a lot of praying in the car while driving to work. So not surprising she has had a couple of Dings on her Mazda! : ) Maire has, as any Singaporean woman over the age of 25, her own set of idiosyncrasies, and one of them is not wanting to get out of her comfort zone (I am very familiar with this).

She initially wanted to go on this mission trip because the church leader she is assisting was going. She also likes him and I think he also likes her.
He gets very sick and has an operation (not dying kind but because he itchy backside doctor said he's not allowed to move for 3 weeks and hence cannot go India)
Maire panicks, because her name is already down for the mission trip, but she in the flesh really dowan to go without him.
She prays and tries to cut a deal with God (also very familiar territory) to say since her role is only assisting, she will go on another trip.
God sends her old pastor from her previous church to the same restaurant she is dining. He tells her "GO TO INDIA".
She calls me to tell me the saga, I feel the quickening of the Holy Spirit and tell her "GO TO INDIA"
God is going to move very mightily while she is there. She had a vision of masses of children without eyes or mouths. I believe she will go to give them eyes that will see that Jesus is Lord, and mouths that will confess it.
She bites the bullet, and signs up for India anyway.
Shortly, her leader's doctor says he can go to India also.
But the important part is that Maire decided to obey God, and fought not to be swayed by her feelings for her leader or by her own flesh which was screaming out "Healing And Deliverance?! I know NOTHING about it."

From her experience I learned a powerful lesson: sometimes God will want to pluck you our of your comfort zone COMPLETELY. I mean, rip that comfort zone like a plastic bag off you. You will feel naked and exposed and definitely powerless and wanting to run away. That's when you know God will move if you obey because you have crucified your flesh, you are nothing, He is everything. Only when there is nothing left of your own self, can God work mighty miracles.

We prayed and I was filled with a GREAT GREAT JUMPING UP JOY for her because this is going to be such an exciting, Spirit-filled, miracle-filled journey that will bring her faith to the next level. One day my turn will come.

She will preach the word to the ends of the earth, she will pick up snakes with her hands, drink poison and it will not hurt her, she will lay hands on the sick and they will be healed, in JESUS' NAME! WAAAAAAHHHHH!

Intercession Rating: 11!
Peanut Toast & Coffee at TOAST, Ngee Ann City: 8

INTERCESSION TWO: KELLY & STEVEN
The day got tougher as the hours passed. I met my business partner and pal Millie for lunch -- we ate COCA steamboat buffet at Ngee Ann City. Waaaaaaaah! Stomach circumference expanded by 10".

She drops me off at Hazel Park Condo to visit my church mates Kelly and Steven. They're newish Christians (not a year old yet). Steven used to be a temple medium's assistant but has long stopped. However, we believe there are still demonic spirits that reside in him — they call them Kwee Kia (baby ghosts) which are the spirits of dead foetuses that are worshipped and they do things like reveal 4D numbers or tell you what your neighour's mahjong tiles are.

Anyway, Steven had cancer in Oct 2004. By God's grace it went into remission after chemo. It came back when he started attending New Creation Church in January. By March he was in pretty bad shape. Up to this point he was still an non-believer. Kelly's colleague, who is from City Harvest Church, invited them to Benny Hinn's crusade on 12 March. The presence of God touched Steven and he received salvation that night (PRAISE THE LORD!).

There is a spiritual tussle for Steven now. The spirit of cancer threatens to overwhelm him. The tumours have grown across his colon at breakneck speed. He is now at 4th stage.

I was in trepidation for weeks. One of the leaders who had been ministering to Kelly and Steven asked if I could help to talk to Kelly because of my own experiences. I have a great fear which I must surrender to the Lord: I try not to lay hands and pray for people because the last time I did, the person died and I was severely traumatised and my faith took a beating.

But I knew God wanted me to move. I prayed for Kelly and Steven in my own quiet time. Visions of Steven at a supermarket stocking up his trolley with "GOOD THINGS" came to view: Restoring his health, restoring his ability to walk, restoring his colour etc. I know God wants to heal him and it will happen — we just need to unblock all pockets of doubt and unbelief or fear that are hindering a complete recovery.

I finally went to pray for Kelly and STeven yesterday. I knew it would be draining, but it was actually good! I prayed for Kelly -- I know she is the one who needs more strength because she needs to be strong for herself, her children, his parents AND for Steven. She is the one satan will want to take down because she is the pillar. satan is fighting for steven's life because he knows he has already lost his soul. If he can't have STeven, then God also can't have steven to further the kingdom of God on earth.

Well, our God is an awesome God and satan is a pathetic liar. We already know who will win this, but much perseverance must occur both on the sufferer's end as well as the intercessor's end. I must pray fervently for strongholds to be broken, for Steven to trust 100%, not walking by sight but by faith that God has already healed him. When he makes it out of this, he will be a powerful walking testimony for the Lord and will be able to attract people to Jesus.

So he is a very important man who must be protected by prayer.

After praying in tongues and rebuking the spirit of cancer, I did not SEE any change (but God doesn't work according to my timetable) but I trust that faith was imparted. I was tired. I said my goodbyes and left.

Intercession Rating: 8

INTERCESSION THREE: EP
EP is a Spirit-filled Christian. He was the one who led me to the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I want to bless him in every way.

He's going through possibly the worst period of his life. His wife who suffers from paranoid dementia has fled the country with their son, who suffers from cerebral palsy. He is going through severe depression because the family of his wife lied and tricked him and refuse to help him connect with his son, to whom he is very close.

EP is a priority for me. Yesterday after Steven and Kelly I made my way to his office with my brother. We talked business for a few hours, then we went for dinner and that's when the real conversation began.

It started with a debate on whether Christians are "once saved, always saved". (See later post) EP says Once saved, always saved. I say Work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

I had no idea till later that he was in that frame of mind where he needs to be sure of his salvation despite the fact he is entertaining the possibility of doing some terrible things.

The evening derailed into a carnal conversation about how to get his son back, the extreme measures he is willing to take, and the putrid hatred he has for his wife and her family.

This was not the reasoning of a sound mind.
This was not a man who knew the mighty grace of God, despite the fact he was propounding grace to me not 30 minutes earlier..
This was not EP as I knew him, he had been possessed by his own anger and paranoia.
This was a man devoid of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit was gone from him, I felt it like a gnawing absence.

It bugged me to no end. I had a splitting headache from the negative Spirit, the Spirit of hate he had cultivated till it was a giant looming over us. I was exhausted and drained from two previous sessions of intercessory prayer. I could not fight. I just wanted to get out of there and pray.

How did things get so bad? EP has great work to do for the Lord -- he is gifted in business to fund the church. Sure satan wants him to stop because the harder he works the more money goes to God's cause.

But satan also knew his weakness, which is denial and procrastination. He was in denial about his wife's mental state for too long a time. He procrastinated to take action, and she found the chance to run away.

Lessons for me:
1. When God speaks, OBEY IMMEDIATELY
2. God will send people, circumstances to you to reflect the Truth. Pray about it, then open your eyes and see. Don't deny there is a problem when there is one. It's not biblical to keep saying things are fine when they are not, and especially when things can be easily fixed in the natural. It is when you have done everything in your power in accordance to God's will that you leave the rest to him, and rest in Him. But He's not going to supernaturally come over here and clean up your mess for you when He already told you to do it months, maybe years ago.

I did not get to pray for EP last night because the rejection was very strong and I honestly was too tired in the Spirit and physically to do him any good.
I pray now that he quits all thoughts of satan.
I pray he seeks God's wisdom and strength in this matter.
I pray God will break his newly found drinking habit.
I pray God will give him a rhema word to seal comfort right into his heart.
I pray God will restore his family.
I pray God will make a way for his wife to get help and to transform her for His purpose.
I pray David will not come out of this traumatised but instead strengthened.
I pray EP's wife' family will get saved because of the mighty miracles that God is going to perform in her.
I pray EP will use this opportunity to rise to the next level with the Lord, to turn his Job situation into triumph and victory.

Intercession Rating: 0
Penang Buffet at Copthorne King: Tasteless

I go home and have dreams about my daughter disappearing after a bomb goes off in the building we are in. Very depressing.
I reject and rebuke the spirits that threaten to come over me.
AWAY FROM ME, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!

Fasting

2005-07-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

I am about to keel over.

My headache is back.

There is a church-wide fast we are participating in. It started at 6am today and ends at 6am tomorrow.

I am not hungry not really but I do so wish to have a coffee! I can live without food for a few days I think, but coffee!!!

So I am now peng-sanning in my office, and I think I am going to crawl into bd just for a while.

I know when we fast we're supposed to be of great cheer and carry on as if nothing is missing. I was good this morning. But the sleepiness is taking over ... taking over ... tak ..ing ...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

Flickr

2005-07-06T11:44:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

PHWOARRR! Talk about tongues!

2005-06-28T09:20:00.000+08:00

My recent post on my other blog, entitled Why Aren't They Talking About Ho Yeow Sun? got Tomorrow'd.

I've been put on the grill many times before as a reporter and editor, but wahh, don't play a fool, this web community have opinions. They sure know how to waggle them tongues and wiggle them fingers.

It's GREAT! I don't agree with most of them, but it's fantastic that Singaporeans have a VIEW. So refreshing! This tells me they are thinking. If they are thinking then they can be challenged. If they can be challenged then they can be saved.

I would like to explain this equation but I don't know how to spell in Tongues.

The debate revealed some things to me:
1. People believe everything they read in the papers.
2. People don't like religion mixing with secular music. However, I would then venture to say that if they first thought the band was cool then they wouldn't have an issue say, 5, 10 years down the road when the singer or band reveals that they are Christian. Like U2.
3. the devil has been very very successful in convincing people, including Christians, that church is church and the world is the world. So you don't carry your Christian badge to work or even to play because it's rude, it's proselytizing, it's causing religious dissension. wow, he's clever. But the Holy Spirit's cleverer.

But we mustn't cry foul, because Jesus already warned us that people will hate us and persecute us because of Him. We are not to expect a smooth and happy-happy journey through life if we want to truly live for Christ.

For great is our reward in heaven. Indeed. Just to be in the presence of the Lord and to have done the work He sent me to do -- would be the most awesome reward, indescribably wonderful.

Visions & Dream Part 1

2005-06-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

My husband, newly baptised in the Spirit and on fire for the Lord (SO NICE TO SEE!!! I cannot thank the Lord enough!!!!) asked me how come and how I get visions.

I believe sincerely that God knew He could reach me best with the visual. Subtle impressions, whispers etc, they don't work so good on me. My faith has grown, but it's still a tiny seed (though I've read it's enough!).

I realise some things about visions:
1. You can ask for them. In fact, because of the promise God has made in Acts 2:17-18 (actually Joel 2:28-32) we can ALL see visions and dream dreams. Paul says to "desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy" (1 Cor 14:1). Visions are often prophecies.
2. You need to be in a state of prayerfulness. The temptation is always to jump on the first thing in your mind. I never cease to forget that satan and his angels of hell are all around us whispering LIES and trying to make FEAR enter our hearts. The devil is after all the father of Lies and he would love NOTHING better than to see us think we are visionaries and instead be doing his dirty deeds. So it helps to
3. Pray and read your Bible. When God's Word resides in your heart, you will know the Truth.

How I know when a vision is from God is:
1. He speaks directly to my heart. It's like an electric cable plugged directly to my chest. It's very intense, it's very clear (the vision or the words), and it leaves ZERO room for doubt. I can only attest to having experience this 3 times, really. And those visions came to pass very very shortly after they happened (1 day to 3 weeks).
2. I can ask Him questions and He will give these answers I could not have imagined by myself ever.
3. He sends confirmation in His Word -- He gives me a RHEMA word.

The visions that I am most afraid to interpret are those of sickness and death. When my cousin had breast cancer I went to pray for her after her operation. When I laid hands on her I saw huge white cells floating about. I had no idea what it meant. I also saw a heartbeat in her womb, which I of course thought would be a baby, but it's unlikely that she would have another child as she's in her mid-40s but I'm still waiting for the good news.

A few months later she SMS'd me to pray for her white blood count. It was only later that day I realised that's what God had shown me, that she would have an issue with her white blood cells (so I wasn't having a vision in black and white like I thought!!!).

The interpretation of visions is possibly the trickiest part. It requires prayer because honestly the only person who could interpret those images correctly would be God, since He gave them!

But I pray for many many many Christians to get visions! They are such a great gift from God, and such an assurance that He is IN YOU, WITH YOU, and GUIDING YOU with love ALL THE TIME. Incredible.

For my husband I pray that he will grow to have the full range of spiritual gifts, for I know in my heart (because God has spoken into it) that the Lord has many plans for him and for us in these harvest times.

HO YEOW SUN - The Biggest Star Singapore Ever Had And Yet ...

2005-06-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

The lack of publicity in Singapore about homegirl Ho Yeow Sun, popularly known as Sun (quite aptly, since she is bright and cheery), baffles me.

I first noticed this young lady when I was working as Editor-In-Chief of ELLE magazine in Singapore. At that job, I didn't get to go out much and the only SUN I got was the few rays that came streaming in my office in the morning, killing my cactus.

But my intrepid young reporter Michelle Bong pointed out to me one day that there was this cute Chinese pop singer who was also a pastor. We were at the time planning for our 2001 National Day issue, always a big song and dance and we tried to feature as many Singaporeans who were making waves (and who looked good) as possible.

"How about the singing pastor?" asked MJB (her middle name escapes my mind now but that's what we call her)

She waves an album cover at me. What a wholesome looking lass. "She's a PASTOR?"

"Yah, got belly button showing and all."

"Okay, done."

I had nothing against belly buttons showing, and I still don't have anything against it. The only time I object to belly buttons in my face is when I have to look for them between two folds of fat. Which is why you won't be seeing mine anytime soon. But this Ho Yeow Sun, she's pert and cute as a button. Some people think she's lian but I never had a problem with lians — Fann Wong is also very lian but she's cool to me. If you speak Mandarin then you can be lian. If you only speak English and look lian THEN got problem.

The two years following that were something else! Her albums sold a lot of copies, and she started appearing in magazines, newspapers etc. Of course, MEDIA being media (MEDIA is short for "Mean Egotistical Diatribe-Inscribing A******* — I know, I was one).

She's materialistic lah, she's very "unholy" lah, her congregation was forced to buy her album so that she could get a number one spot in the charts lah, she wears slutty outfits lah ... you name it. It started with one Her World article I read where she apparently flaunted her Prada bag et al and the worst of it was probably the article slamming her for her red Armani gown.

See, being a person in the media has its advantages. You don't believe 90% of what you read in the papers. The other 10% is just there to make you laugh.

At that point I was beginning to find my way back to God, and weirdly enough after I read the red dress story I felt an impression to pray for her. It meant literally nothing to me -- I didn't know this woman at all. I didn't meet her when my writer interviewed her. But somehow, God wanted me to pray for her. I just knew from what I read that NONE of it was true. Also, I knew the guy who went around telling everyone that the album sales were rigged (he was formerly my friend from BMG who prides himself on being anti-establishment, not realising that he was being exactly media establishment by doing what he did). I knew not to believe it because the fella's always drunk and/or pissing about something/someone.

Poor girl got ripped to shreds. Even my Christian friends (and I was not Christian yet) said, "She's asking for it lor." I heard of people leaving City Harvest because of the hoohah. I honestly didn't see the big deal. God's not stupid. If she was a fake He'd fix her.

I continued to pray for her, mostly for her to wise up to the Things Not To Do When The Media Are Looking.

The stupid thing about the whole business was that the REAL stories were completely ignored!
* DAVID FOSTER was her producer!!! She was in Hollywood wearing Armani because HE BROUGHT HER! Now THAT'S a story! How many Singaporeans have caught the eye of a legendary music producer?
* ARMANI sponsored her dress! How many Singaporeans get Armani to sponsor their dress in HOLLYWOOD?! Maybe Fann Wong only!
* The girl was obviously making it big! Why run a story about a freaking DRESS and a bit of cleavage (not as if you haven't seen any -- okay maybe just not on a Pastor but she IS a woman, and a nice-looking one at that). I searched and searched but there was no story on HER SUCCESS!

Baffling!

These days the media's calmed down a little over her. But still there's a bit of a boycott, if I might call it that.

Last year she hit the number one spot on the Billboard Dance Charts (Top 25), knocking off Destiny's Child even. Not just that but she had THREE CONSECUTIVE NUMBER ONES on the Billboard Dance Charts!!! Good grief, that's unheard of for any Singaporean!

The report in the Straits Times was a tiny couple of paras in Life.

But when another Singaporean climbs (YET AGAIN) Mount Everest, it's full colour picture in the News section, Front page, Page 3 or front of Home News.

Something's not right.

My husband asked me yesterday "How come Ho Yeow Sun's making it so huge overseas and here you hardly hear about her?"

I don't have an answer, or rather, I'm AFRAID to answer! Could it be that our multi-religious society fail to see her as a talented singer because they have Pastor-coloured glasses on? Could it be that they have beaten her up so badly in the press before it seems like a reversal of position for them to do any decent story on her? Do I really want to read about a lard-eating cardiologist who obviously has no respect for his own body when I could be learning more about this woman who is putting Singapore on the map AND SINGAPORE CHOOSES NOT TO NOTICE?!

Aiyoh. In my mother's (bless her soul) words, this is very "chek ark".

I had the honour of meeting Sun because of the WMD anti-child sex tourism project I began. She donated $10,000 of her (and a few friends') money to the cause! She also agreed to have her photo taken as part of a celebrity T-shirt drive that begins 7 July (see my other blog)

Right now she is in LA completing a Praise & Worship album that City Harvest is putting out. It will be TRES COOL -- I know this because I've heard the songs and the treatment, and I am a former music editor of ETC magazine and I know cool when I hear it (HAHAHAHA). I definitely am buying it, no pastor needs to force me to put down money for it.

She has also become the new VON DUTCH chick. If you need to know what Von Dutch is, WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING MY BLOG?! Just head out your door, down the street and it will be less than 10 minutes before you see a Von Dutch bag/T-shirt/skirt. It is only the hippest surf brand in California, and Madonna and Halle Berry are also in the Von Dutch Hall of Fame. If you don't think that's cool for a Singaporean, something is majorly wrong with you.

In a sense, I'm GLAD local press don't give Sun due credit. It makes her seem so much cooler to me. It's like Blogging: by the time the Singapore press runs a story, YOU KNOW YOU ARE MAINSTREAM! YIKES!!!! To be in the same category as Phua Chu Kang!!!! ARGH!!!!

She's about to hit the major big time. Her 4th single comes out this month in the US, and she has signed an album deal in LA and will be recording there. The album is due out next Feb. I'm not a dance music fan, but I'm sure she will do a great job. She's got some excellent names producing this album (see below)

Well, I'm proud of her. I'm proud of her as a woman of God, I'm proud of her as a Christian who truly goes out to bring the fragrance of Christ Jesus to the world through her music and more so her Community Services arm. I'm proud also to be in her congregation now, now that my husband and I have finally (after more than one year) decided to make City Harvest our church (and believe me, this has been anything but a smooth journey).

And I am still praying and will still be praying for her.

Click on the links on the right to find out more about whassup with Sun. Meanwhile I extract a report about her next single:

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA (2 June 2005)—Sun's second single released in the UK, "Without Love" has conquered the dance charts, reaching Number #1 on ‘Music Week's Upfront Club Top 40' Dance Chart and proving yet again the continual international success of "Without Love" and Sun. "Music Week" Magazine is Europe's industry standard for reporting music much the way "Billboard" Magazine in the United States is considered the ultimate resource. Sun and her #1 single shares the charts this week with singles from such notable artists as Mariah Carey, Ashanti, Kelly Clarkson, Kelly Osborne and Nelly. "Without Love" also hit #2 on "Music Week's Commercial Pop Club Chart" and #2 on "DMC" Magazine's Dance Club Chart as well.

"Without Love" which was produced by Jimmy Harry, who has worked with international pop superstars like Britney Spears and Kylie Minogue, and remixed by notable remixers such as Mike Rizzo, Tony Moran, Eric Kupper, and Peter Presta, "Without Love" previously went Number #1 on the US "Billboard Magazine Dance Club Chart" back in December 2004 and sustained itself in the Top 25 "Billboard" Dance Radio Charts for over four astonishing months. For the UK release of "Without Love," Bimbo Jones, Motiv8, and Steve Solasso were brought in to provide additional remixes.

Sun's next follow-up single will be "Ends of the Earth," which will be released in the USA this summer. Famed producers, The Underdogs, invited Sun to record with them in their studio when Sun was in Los Angeles in September 2004 and after only two days of studio time, "Ends of the Earth" was created.

Baptism For Me!

2005-06-24T13:24:00.000+08:00

Forgot that the whole point of telling the story about the baby baptism was to announce I will be WATER BAPTISED in a week!

And "baby baptisms" are tak pakay, because a baby can't choose to receive Jesus. Parents choosing for their kids is big time tak pakay.

I put my poor children through that, being The Poor Soddess Formerly Known As A Catholic.

However it was pointed out to me that my kids were DEDICATED to the Lord, not baptised. Baptism is a full emersion into water because it symbolising the death of one's Old Self (going down) and the emergence of one Born Again a child of Jesus.

Yippee! I can't wait!

Catholicism in Singapore: Death Warmed Over

2005-06-23T10:14:00.000+08:00

Cowboy Caleb's grandmother passed away, overdosed on durians, in a diabetic coma.

He wrote a touching memorial, not one that's entirely rosy. http://cowboycaleb.liquidblade.com

The Peranakan matriarch was Catholic and Caleb and family are upset that she didn't receive the final sacrament. This is Extremunction, where the priest basically (and I am not very specific on this) says your final rites. It can actually be done ahead of time. But honestly, honestly, it makes ZERO difference. Extremunction does not appear in the Bible (mine anyway, which are NIV, NKJV, NLT, The Message and Amplified).

But then the Catholic Church tends to be quite hung up on "have to do's" like rushing to "baptise" babies before they are 40 days old.

I was born to Catholic parents, "baptised" at 16 days. Priest used a milk jug and ran water rivulets over my forehead. I wore a very long and beautiful christening gown. I think I was more interested in lunch (DUMEX!!!).

Growing up Catholic offered some wonderful moments. Like wearing scarves before communion (I still think it's tres chic, and it's a pity women here don't wear scarves more often), sneaking into the nuns' quarter and looking at their underwear drying. Those were some of the hottest, lacy, black underthings I ever saw! And the smell of the priest's house — he always smoked cigars and he always drank port.

But faith wise, in my experience, the Catholic Church in Singapore, for most part, has little to offer.

I look at my friends who grew up Catholic with me:
1. One slept with over 100 women and eventually married a Japanese girl, lives in Tokyo and looks forward to entering politics when he's 50.
2. Another one became a yoga teacher/faith healer/Buddhist bead wearer.
3. Actually make that 30.
4. A number divorced their husbands.
5. 99.99% read their horoscope.
6. 56% gamble (if you count 4D then the percentage rises to over 80)

It's not that their lives are more sinful. It's just that you couldn't tell the difference between them and your agnostic neighbour down the street.

Rev AR Bernard is a former Muslim turned Christian Bible teacher. He is also spiritual advisor to Mayor Bloomberg in NYC. He pastors the largest church in New York, the 20,000-congregation strong Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn.

His take on the Catholic Church, I could not agree with more:
"When the church holds up values and standards, society is impacted positively. When it downgrades those standards, society is impacted negatively.
"Because of the sexual-abuse scandals, where is the Catholic Church now? It sure can't speak out on same-sex marriage. If you strip a moral authority of its voice, then you can bring in things like same-sex marriage. Politics will follow culture unless there's a counterbalancing force in society."
(Washington Times, July 15 2004)

***************************************************************************************************************

Catholic friends and I have regular disagreements (but we agree to disagree). My Catholic cousin who nearly became a priest was very dismayed when I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit and praying in tongues in a Christian environment. "We have that in the Catholic church too," he said.

"Where?" I asked, genuinely interested in finding out more.

He could not name me one church. I did hear through another friend that there is a Charismatic movement happening at the Ponggol Catholic church.

Here is my beef (and this list is not exhaustive):

1. I hate the "DO YOU KNOW HER?" stickers I see all over car windows. It is a picture of Mary and it's a call to come to Novena Church. I think if you, as a believer in GOD and JESUS, had one chance to call people to church, it shouldn't be to call them to MARY! Good grief. Mary won't get you saved and your soul in Heaven. I'm sorry to have to tell you the truth.

Let me give you a case in point: My own dad attended Novena for 32 years. Every Saturday without fail. He has rosaries in the car, in the house, on the shelf, in the office, on the altar. When my mom passed away he was so overcome by grief the doctors said his vital signs were failing and he was going to die too. Through my cousin who is gifted with healing, my father was led to say the Sinner's Prayer. Such a peace came over him we saw it flood his being with our own eyes. The next day, he was back to normal, and he said to me "32 years I've gone to Novena but I have never known Jesus till now."

2. I hate the watered-down Gospel preached in the Catholic Church.
For the 36 years I was a Catholic I never saw a Bible in the pew at Church. All I knew of the Gospel were extracts taken from this book or that book, perpetually (a favourite Catholic word) OUT OF CONTEXT and completely powerless.

A preacher recently shared that Satan is the biggest Bible student there is. Even SATAN knows Scripture (he tried to tempt Jesus using Scripture) and most Catholics don't. Why does Satan need to know Scripture? Becuase it is a ALL-POWERFUL WORD OF GOD! God's word is LIFE itself. If you don't know it and it's not in your heart, then basically YOU ARE DEAD.

I say PUT THE BIBLE BACK IN THE CHURCH. You don't need more sanctimonious costumes for the priest or airconditioning for the congregation or more parking space (Because the grounds only get filled on Sundays 15 minutes after mass has started and the traffic jam and honking begins 10 minutes before Mass ends). WHAT THE CHURCH NEEDS IS TO PUT BIBLES IN THE PEWS, TEACH THE CONGREGATION TO READ AND LOVE THE WORD. Don't waste time. Tens of thousands of Catholics in Singapore are not even saved yet.

3. I hate that Jesus is relegated to being a powerless, now-dead, good example of a moral man.
HELLO!!! Jesus is our SAVIOR! He LIVES! He is not that giant wooden carving whose feet you kiss on Good Friday. Please don't kiss any idol's feet. It goes against God's Commandment: Exodus 20: 4 "You shall not make your yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God"

My aunty the Buddhist, once considered herself a Catholic because she went to Novena. This is what she did at Novena: she brought chrysanthemums and oranges to "pai pai" at the statue of Mary. She is not alone. Visit the church on any given Saturday or Sunday and see the number of people touching the feet of the statue. MARY IS NOT A JEWISH KUAN YIN! PLEASE!

4. I hate that the Catholic Church in Singapore MAKES NO STRONG STAND against idolatry and faithlessness
Catholics don't know any better, so they don't know it's not Biblical to:
- do yoga (Exodus 20:3 "You shall have no other gods before me" -- yoga is prayer to Hindu gods. Don't tell me it's "only exercise". That's like saying lying naked with another woman/man who is not your husband is "not adultery".
- read their horoscopr and go to fortune tellers (Leviticus 19:31 "Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them."
- lie, cheat, harbour unforgiveness etc etc

5. I hate that the Catholic Church doesn't bother to change its image of being a powerless church that doesn't know the promises of God but that keeps "turning the other cheek".
God is NOT a weak, pathetic, dead God!
As the first church more than ever it is imperative that the Catholic Church be the BEST POSSIBLE PUBLIC RELATIONS BODY for God! Which it is NOT!
God is a living, breathing, supernatural, powerful, jealous, every day GOD! He is ALIVE! He walks and talks with me! He puts His Spirit in me to guide me. He doesn't lurk in dark corners waiting to surface once every decade! He doesn't show up in cut fruits or gourds! Mary is NOT more miraculous or powerful than God!

What is the Church doing? It's using guilt to bring people to church every Sunday. Priests (and I don't mean every one but I have met enough to tell you this is not fabricated) who are greedy and worldly cannot teach their sheep to be spiritual. Priests who have NO BLINKING IDEA what the Holy Spirit is supposed to really do, who can rattle theory at you but have zero experience in the spirit realm, CANNOT successfully lead their sheep to a life lived in victory for God.

The shepherds are wicked. The sheep are lost.

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Are there exceptions?

Yes, thank God, PRAISE God for that.

I believe with all my heart that God is raising up a new generation, a church that is Spirit-led, not denomination-led. I believe that even "dead" Catholic churches can be resurrected by the power of our Most High God. Our part -- my part -- is to pray diligently, envision the eventuality, and with prayer and supplication make my request known to God.

My request is that the Catholic Church WAKES UP! May the new Pope be firm and strong and may he cut out all the rubbish that's going on in the Catholic Church worldwide! May priests who defile young boys and girls while wearing their robes be exposed by God and punished! May Satan's firm foothold on the Catholic Church be destroyed! May Satan's minions who wear the priestly robes but do his dastardly work be confronted and drop dead like Ananias and Sapphiras. May the red tape of the Church be burned, torn up, broken. May the church REACH the people without any expectation of payment. May the many years of seminary study be actually relevant to the problems of today, to the teachings of today. May those who are in training for priesthood have the mind of Christ, not of the devil. May they not be ovewhelmed by the demands on the mind (all that Latin WILL drive you crazy) but may their primary daily focus be upon YOU Jesus, and on the amazing work that you want to do through them.

My prayer is that the Catholic Church wakes up, looks around, and recognises God's hand in the new churches that have risen. Why are there new churches and why do they have congregations of 18,000?

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place but you and your father's family will perish." Esther 4:14

If the Catholic Church steadfastly refuses to do God's work, then God will just find someone else to do it.

Happy Father's Day to our Father

2005-06-20T09:52:00.000+08:00

My six year old son created for his Daddy a piece of abstract installation art with 9 black dots, an aqua crepe paper flag that flaps and a button made from gold glitter.

"Happy Father's Day!"

Art is duly installed upon door of Daddy's bedroom.

Last night we celebrated Father's Day with my father in law, over a steamboat dinner. My own dad I visited too — he lives in a nursing home and has advanced Parkinson's Disease. His Father's Day treat is half a cup of melting durian ice cream. Still, he got to see my brother and I, and his grandson, so all is well.

Father's Day hasn't quite got the allure of Mother's Day just yet. There's still no problem getting reservations at a restaurant the day before Father's Day, but the very same seats would have been booked weeks ahead in May for Mother's Day.

Which leaves me to wonder if this doesn't reflect Singapore's attitude towards our Father in Heaven.

The Catholic Church, from where I once came, spends most of its energy on Mary, the human mother of God. This is true in Singapore anyway, where Novena is the popular Catholic church and it's a church dedicated to Mary. She gets flowers, offerings, and a packed to overflowing carpark every weekend — Catholics in Singapore love this Mom!

But the Father, He gets ignored. He's feared but not in the way He means to be. He is seen as distant, the judge, the punisher. "Wait till your Father gets home" or rather in this case, wait till you get Home to your Father!

How far from the truth is this!!

Today I listened to the lyrics of the classic Christian hymn 'In Christ Alone' — and it is the story of how our God, our Father, loved us so much He did what needed to be done to bring us back into His arms, which is to send His sinless Son to carry every sin upon His own body.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
?il on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Happy Father's Day, Abba! What gift can we possibly give you that would mean anything — except to love you with all our hearts, our minds, our strength?

I see the Lion of Judah

2005-06-18T06:40:00.000+08:00

VIsions are a tricky business.

Since my first one of my mom standing in a great darkness on the night before she finally went to Jesus, visions have been sent to me about people, situations, and sometimes — and these are my favourite — they are visions of Jesus and of eternity.

Beautiful beyond description, they make my whole self leap and laugh.

Sometimes, they can be quite startling, like the recent one I had of a lion.

Sometimes during Praise and Worship I like to ask the Lord if I may please get a glimpse of Him. He often obliges and it is never EVER not once the same image! Sometimes He is reaching out to me, sometimes He is walking by me with his hair tied up, sometimes He is standing in a particular spot. The beautiful, blinding light is always there and when I reach out I can sometimes see the holes in his hands, a little bit crusted over.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I asked again, Can I see you?

I saw a paw. Stretching over a rock.

A PAW?!

Pan left. Ah, there's the rest of it. It's a lion.

A LION?!!

A beautiful, golden lion with a spectacular golden crown of hair, looking majestically lazily (can you picture that) at me. The eyes, those kind, deep, "How much do I love thee" eyes are the same.

It's the Lion of Judah.
Lord Jesus in a totally new incarnation to me!

I laugh out loud, knowing if I told my friends and my husband they would roll their eyes and say There she goes again, this over-imaginative writer girl.

But I treasure the vision. I know He's telling me He's the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. There is none greater.

The battle is already won!

Hallelujah!