Sunday, July 31, 2005

About Face: Mom's Story - Final Chapter

I interviewed a mom with a little girl who has Apert Syndrome: it's a genetic disorder in which the face appears to be sunken in the middle (so the forehead protrudes and looks too big). The little girl is bright, cheerful and so beautiful a person -- I can say she's much better behaved than a lot of normal kids I've met (including my own!).

Tonight as I researched further about Apert I came across this beautiful blog by a girl Vicki who has Apert too, and here she shares a story her mother wrote about having her.

I'm in tears -- our God is a great God. Hard to fathom at times but He never makes a mistake. No one, no matter how disfigured to our fleshly eye, is a mistake.

I pray you are blessed by this as much as I was.

About Face: Mom's Story - Final Chapter

Saturday, July 30, 2005

A Voice God Made!


Last night at church a guest singer came to play. Her name is Deb Fung. Gorgeous girl, great skin, great hair, but what was stunning was her deep love for the Lord.

I always experience such a giant leap in the Spirit when I see/hear talent that comes straight from Heaven. Yes they might have been through years of training to hone it but it's a natural talent that is what the world calls the X Factor. It's the God factor.

Deb Fung has the God factor. Her voice is earthy and ethereal at the same time but it has this incredible power to pierce your soul. She put Psalm 139 to music, and the song lifted off and took me through clouds up towards Heaven.

Gotta get her albums. A shy young woman who loves God so much — Heaven will be populated with such as she. She was a church mate of my sister-in-law's husband and he can't believe she's already got 2 albums under her belt. Wow the power of obeying God!

God is GOOD!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Zero marks for this evangelist


According to the Bible, I am supposed to be empowered to preach the gospel to the ends of the earth, cast out demons, heal the sick and they will recover, pray in new tongues et al.

So how come I am such a terrible evangelist? It seems the easiest of all the above.

I invited my good friend M to a BBG session. She obediently came. I didn't check if it did anything for her (though I know it's not about her, it's about Him) and asked her again. And again.

Finally today she said, "Don't call me. I'll call you."

Fail! Can't even evangelise to a good friend. How like that? No hope already lah. Liao!

Thinking about it, I guess it wasn't so much evangelising I was doing, but bugging the hair off the woman's head. It wasn't of the Spirit coz if it were I wouldn't have to ask her to come back, right?

Still, God loves a persistent saint. I know He loves me.

He's just shaking His head and patting mine. There there.

I love my friend. God asked me two months ago "Who are the people who constantly come to you for help and prayer?" and she was the first person on my mind. And the Lord revealed that I needed to help her, to guide her into a closer and stronger relationship with Him so that she can start being used by Him in bigger and bigger things.

Our relationship with God is the complete opposite of what we grow up learning. We have first to give Him everything, put Him first, then He will have faith to work on, and blessings to shower down. If we give Him nothing, He can't give us anything. We grew up learning that you better not reveal that you love someone in case He doesn't love you back.

But our God always had, does and will love us.

Beyond loving us, He wants us to have a living and exciting relationship with Him. Once a week Sunday praise and worship Hallelujah ain't the be all and end all. We are saved for good works. It's like being hired for a job. You're expected to learn the ropes fast and obey and perform and get the promotion. You can't stay at entry level for the rest of your life. Neither you nor God will be happy.

If M could see what God has in store for her! If she could see the plans He has for her, to give her a future and a hope!!! I wish she could see!!! Because then she'd be rushing to get closer faster, and not waste one minute.

But until the Holy Spirit gives her that vision I have to be her cheerleader, her encourager, her friend. I won't give up -- she's too precious to God, and I've been tagged with the assignment and I intend to obey. Not going to have to appear in front of the Lord and have it held against me that I did nothing to help her grow.

Of course the lesson for me is that I did not pray whether I should ask her to BBG. It's a very intense cell group, not your average happy happy feelgood party. It can be scary to hear everyone praying so loudly in tongues, to see people drop like flies by the power of the Spirit, to see gold dust appear out of nowhere.

I am praying now, and I do know God just wants me to lead her, gently. You can't push a horse (I better not say mule or she will royally slap me when she sees this), it'll just sit on you. There are so many ways that Jesus can reveal HImself, as long as we study the Word, because He IS His Word.

I pray for her forgiveness and for her NOT to harden her heart or I will have some major answering to do. I pray for the perfect Bible Study programme for her -- I realise I might not even be part of her journey in that direction. Most of all I pray that I will exercise wisdom and love and not rush people into things they are not comfortable with, because Jesus never rushed anyone. He only convicted them, and they came running to Him.

Sex, God and Fake Christians

Fake Christians. Everybody knows one. Or ten.

Like fake Prada bags they wear the correct signage (the cross) on the outside, but when you look inside they're lined with cheap tearable synthetic cloth and the seams are in disarray. And you might find a fake Christian Dior wallet in there as well.

Signs of a fake Christian:
- they may go to church (as in their bodies are physically in the church building)
- they don't go to church because "God is not only in church"
- they wear a cross religiously like Edie Britt
- they tell you they're Christian
- they're having sex with three different people
- they don't give up their seats on the MRT which belong to the old, pregnant and sickly
- they lie
- they cheat
- they use their "Christian" membership to get you to buy their products/services
- they covet
- they smoke
- they gamble
- they go clubbing and get drunk/puke/pick up some stranger
- they tell the girl they impregnated to go and have an abortion
- they break all the 10 commandments but happily tell you they have been saved by grace
- they may quote you Bible verses, but they use them to justify their actions, or they use them to twist the word so they'll get their way
- basically they are unrepentant

Some Christians are still working out their salvation, perhaps trying to get rid of their gambling habit, or struggling with a bad marriage to an unyoked partner. But they are repentant. They know they've sinned — which is not just doing bad stuff but disrespecting God and His rules. They know they need God and they know God is a Holy God who cannot have anything to do with sin. These are true Christians who want to die to self so that the power of God can be made full in them.

I read a blog by a young woman who says she's Christian but lives like satan's youngest daughter. She is most certainly not a Christian, though she may not realise it and is clinging to the lie that when she is nice and ready to give up her promiscuity, God will just be waiting for her with open arms. Well, she might die before that happens.

While I know she is out for shock value, I also know she'll be the one who's shocked when she has to answer to God for not just her sins of which she is blatantly unrepentant, but for her blasphemy. I strive to pray for her -- because I recognise so much of my old psyche in her. I can only say from experience that the day she realises that using sex as a measure of value is not only foolish but destructive as well. It is dignity you rob yourself of, and you will reach a point where you cannot even face yourself in the mirror. I pray when that day comes, and believe me it will, that Jesus will be merciful as He was to me.

Sex isn't really about the act of sex. Sex has been twisted to become about social value. The devil has cleverly used sex as a weapon to divide man and woman. Women fall for satan's value system: you're only good if you're good in bed. So women compete against each other to give the best sex. What are the results?

- You're made to feel pathetic if you're a virgin at 16!
- Teen pregnancies and infanticide -- who's feeling sexy now?
- Guys grading women on sexiness and sexual performance -- and women grading themselves on the same butcher scale! HELLO?!!
- Emotional rollercoastering, because we're not made to sleep with so many people. We were made to find one spouse and be with that spouse for as long as we both shall live.
- Sexual addiction: you live for the next high, and with each one you plunge deeper and deeper into depression, till you have to use harder "drugs" (porn, prostitution, S&M) to get your kicks. Before you know it, you hate yourself but you feel like you can't turn back.
- No sense of self-worth because you have decided to make men and other women the judges of your self-worth, when you should make GOD the judge of you.

I could spend the whole night listing but I won't. I know it's something that many of us women go through whether or not we want to admit it, and I pray many of us get out of it. But it IS frightening to me that so many women fall prey to their own brainwashed thinking and live to regret it.

I am sure in my heart that Annabel Chong regrets what she did. Without God, she fell into the "lie" that she would be desired and given worth if she became a famous porn star. I know she reinvented herself, disappeared from the scene, and is trying to recover from that horrific past that she chose.

But I know also, like the woman at the well, until she encounters Jesus, who knows all her sins and loves her and waits to forgive her and set her free, she will always be imprisoned by her past.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

I will lift up my eyes to the hills —
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.


Friday, July 22, 2005


BBG is becoming more and more Spirit-filled by the week.

It's weird — I mean, it was always good, but of late, actually the last 2 months and particularly after BBG Camp 7 weeks ago, things seem to be speeding up and supernatural encounters are happening during BBG, after BBG, at home, at work, in the car ...


Tonight our cell group leader taught on supernatural encounters — why does God give them to us, why do we need them. To be honest I started finding gold dust on my palms (THANK YOU JESUS, hehehe) and was very distracted... but one thing DID stick on my mind, and that was that if God gives you a lot of supernatural encounters they are not for fun and games, but He is strengthening you to do a very difficult task.

Many of the BBGers have been getting gold dust the whole week, so much we joked about getting gold BARS next.

Tonight many went up to be prayed for, to have fresh supernatural encounters with God. The presence of the Lord was so thick, the river of living water was gushing through the room (words are a dismal reflection of the might and glory of that river rushing through the belly and outward).

One couple fell to the floor and angels came to minister to them. I see angels in the spirit realm, and they're in many places so to me they are nearly natural occurrences. I realise it's a lovely gift to have and I praise and thank God for it. It was amazing seeing them kneeling next to the couple, working. Couldn't tell exactly what they were doing but it was I think physically healing of some sort. First time I'm seeing ministering angels (white ones), coz usually I only see the warrior angels (grey fierce looking ones that guard my Dad).

Yaevlejunce came to visit tonight. What a tall young man, and what a refreshing experience to encounter someone so young so on fire for the Lord. Young one, ask the Lord to reveal any barriers in your life, ask the Holy Spirit to help you sanctify your body, soul and mind, and I will pray for you to have a MEGA supernatural encounter with the Lord tomorrow — what a perfect birthday present, yes? Read the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians -- oops sorry Bible in the study, but it's not hard to find. Sorry I'm not a chapter and verse girl). That's what we believers need to be.

Anyway, just when I think I could not get more full of the Holy Spirit, He surprises me yet again. Isn't it an amazing God we serve, who can keep filling us and we can never drink enough?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Deliverance ...

Wasn't it a Clint Eastwood movie?

My cell group leader and some other friends came over last night because I asked for a deliverance session.

For people who have watched the Exorcist, it's something like that but milder.
For people who haven't watched the Exorcist and who "don't believe" in spirits and the ilk, this would surely freak you out.

Background: Although I grew up in a convent school, was baptised at birth and my father was a faithful Novena attender, my interest in the occult began when I was about seven or eight. My uncle had a cupboard full of occultic books, and he also had a ouija board which he played with (but not in front of us kids). My parents would leave me to my own devices while they chatted with my uncle, so I'd hole myself in the cupboard and read all about astrology, palm reading, tarot cards etc.

When I was 18, studying for my A Levels there was one day I took a nap and when I woke up I could not sit up. I felt someone stepping on my chest, and I could hear an audible voice amidst a sound of rushing wind and groaning, "I'm going to get you." I remember struggling very hard to sit up. I couldn't breathe at all. I started repeating the Lord's Prayer in my mind, over and over. Finally the "person" went away.

My mother told me it was because I didn't study during the year that's why I was being punished with stress. My father dragged me off to Novena.

When I started work I developed a deep love for the Sandman comics (by Neil Gaiman, who was recently here). Gaiman's intellectual employment of religion, mythic legends and great literature seduced me deeply. I started dressing in black all the time, wearing an ankh, which is the Egyptian symbol of fertility. Basically I modelled myself after Death, a character Gaiman had created who was basically Sexy Miss Goth.

As this playacting grew deeper I started studying astrology. I wrote two astrology columns, which were always sworn by for their accuracy (hahaha! I'm sorry, if only the readers could have seen me write down 12 scenarios, put them in a box and tikam tikam, they would surely freak out). But I did study it quite deeply, and followed the moon cycles etc. Charting etc not a problem.

I could read palms, auras, do astro-travel (this one I learned from a writing workshop during my playwriting days).

Then I got into witchcraft. I just got deeper and deeper, because I was looking for something supernatural. Finally my husband couldn't take it anymore, he told me "Can you please not bring that witchcraft book to bed?"

My life was a mess. I was everyone's favourite party girl because I could read palms and always carried a tarot pack with me — who doesn't love a fortuneteller? (ME!) But I was deeply unhappy, very insecure, and wondered if I would get another chance when I died and got reincarnated.


Thank God He loved me so much He started calling me back.

After the birth of my first child I broke a lot of soul ties — no more tarot cards, I set aside my witchcraft book, no more pagan pendants hanging round my neck.

On 7 Oct 2003 I was finally born again. The realisation that I had sinned so deeply against God, offended my creator in so many ways, was painful to the core. But the amazing thing was that He could forgive me, He WANTED to forgive me and make me clean by the blood of Christ ... and I took that step of repentance and accepted Jesus, and the Father ran to me and brought me back into the kingdom.

Then I discovered that there was another kind of supernatural — that of the Holy Spirit. The spirit world definitely exists. It is folly to think you can just dismiss it by denying its presence as most people do. It exists and it wants to keep you away from the Truth of Christ.

On 1 November, the night before my mother died, I was baptised in the Holy Spirit. I was so hungry for Him, I just cried out to Him to come, and He came into me and I felt Him flow through me, through my belly, and my palms, and I broke out in tongues and wept. It was the single most incredible supernatural encounter I had had in all my years of looking for something beyond myself, in the spirit realm, and it was PURE, REAL and TRUE.

I was transformed overnight. My husband actually said to me "You're not the woman I married" (and not in a nice way, mind you, but he didn't understand back then. He does now.)

I felt set free that night, light as a feather.

But often I would see people manifest during deliverance prayer - vomitting, thrashing, screaming, as demons fought to stay in their bodies but were all cast out. I wondered with my past incantations and invitations to spirits, did I have any living in me who wouldn't go away?

I spoke to my cell group leader. He very kindly came with his wife and my other friends and they laid hands on me last night and prayed deliverance for me. I felt the Holy Spirit descend (it becomes a deep familiar feeling of "knowing") and it got very hot. As they prayed I wondered why I felt nothing ... then I felt the tiniest leap in my stomach, like a hiccup. It was not voluntary. But nothing else, just the Holy Spirit filling filling filling me. I guess when a body is completely filled with Him there's just no room for anything else.

I admit I don't feel physically different. But last night for the first time I walked through my house without the lights on and didn't feel the spirit lurking outside my children's room — PRAISE BE TO GOD!

My husband, who got prayed over as well, was so filled with the Spirit he couldn't move for 10 minutes. It was funny and wonderful!

When I shared with him later about my "non-event" deliverance session he said "it was this tiny demon, and when he poked his head out he saw these FIVE GIANT SPIRITUAL SHARKS and freaked out, and could not escape and he's gone!"

Luke 11:24: "When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left'. 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of the man is worse than the first."

V25 says the evil spirit came back to find the house EMPTY. That's the important verse, really. If you chase out demons and do not fill the space with the Holy Spirit, then you open yourself to 7 times the demonic possession. But fill yourself with the Holy Spirit and the demons will flee.

(though Smith Wigglesworth does have something to say about demon-possessed Spirit filled believers ... another day! my friend will pinch me for being so late)

Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you Holy Spirit for being inside me and guiding me even though I'm often stubborn and silly. Thank you Father for creating me. I just want to live for you.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Harry Potter: Just one in a World of Demons

My sister-in-law just had a brush with Borders, regarding the new Harry Potter book.

No, actually, more accurately, it was regarding the BOX that the Harry Potter books came in.

Borders, if you are reading this, can you please not piss off teachers? They are the moulders of our children's minds and if they should go to work in a foul mood because of you, the children will suffer and the parents will get upset and everyone will boycott Borders (or better still go there and read all the books and not buy any).

Please don't call it Customer Service if you're not really planning to service the customer, only berate her/him.

Anyway, Harry Potter. Which mom doesn't wish she too made gaziilions of dollars sitting in a cafe writing books with her baby in a pram? Sign me up for THAT course! I might not agree with some of the spells in the HP series, or the amount of blood shed in the movies (seems like more and more as the series progresses, making it less and less of a viewing choice for my kids), but Joanne Rowling sure hit paydirt and I'm happy for her.

As a reader, I guzzled the first four books in a matter of days. Book 5 felt convoluted and strained to me. I hope 6 will have the smooth-flowing thrills of the first 3. But to be honest I'm a little off the series already.

I often wonder why books about the dark arts do so well. I read in The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that it is because we are all born to seek the purpose for which we are made. We have a God-shaped hole in our souls that needs to be filled. Sometimes we try to fill it with fake prophecies (horoscopes, going to the fortune teller etc). Sometimes we try to fill it with drugs and alcohol. Sometimes sex. Sometimes we look for something spiritual that seems to have a bit of what we are looking for, like Deepak Chopra's books, or for some, tarot cards and witchcraft and other varieties of divination and calling upon spirits.

It's a human fascination. We know there is something BEYOND what we see, hear, smell and touch. We know there is a spirit world but few of us know the truth about that spirit world. Harry Potter is the soft, dressed up version. Movies like the Exorcist are the creepier version (but still, it gives too much credit to the devil, haha).

How many of us will really seek the Truth, and let the truth set us free? When things as seemingly innocuous as children's fiction present the demon world in palatable formats, will we be able to see that there are demonic forces making a claim on our children's souls?

Am I overreacting? Am I a crazy religious fanatic? All I can say is, if there are demons threatening my family I'm not going to stand around and let them in, no matter how cutely they are packaged. I've seen demons destroy families, make people depressed and suicidal, cause fights, spark terrorist acts — bible says the thief (ie the devil) comes to steal, kill and destroy. There is no redeeming value in satan. So it's either we destroy his spirits and cast them into hell, or they will destroy us.

The world of demons is becoming more and more real to me as I see the sort of things that happen around us. Child sex abuse, which I fight with all my might, is demonic. Teenagers stripping and hurting other teenagers is demonic. The man sexually assaulting and killing Huang Na, that's definitely demonic.

Which is not to say that people are completely blameless. These demons need a conduit, and they will use anyone who is spiritually weak. And that's the job that Christians (REAL Christians, not demonic so-called Christians who subvert the word of God) have — we are to follow Christ's directive to repent, be baptised in water and the Holy Spirit, and to cast out demons, and heal the sick, and preach the gospel to the ends of the earth.

So maybe I won't buy Harry Potter Book 6 (and if I did, I guess it won't be from Borders).

I hope one day there will be a Christian alternative to popular reading. Books like the Da Vinci Code act to twist human minds against the truth about Jesus, that He is the Son of God, made flesh, died and resurrected to bring salvation to the world. Yes, Jesus was tempted like a man, but He was SINLESS. But unless you know this (and not with your head but with your heart), the "fiction" in DVC will have achieved its demonic purpose.

Maybe I'll bring my notebook to a cafe and write the next great series, but one that gives glory to God. Who knows?

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Church & praying in tongues

I have recently joined a new church. This is the one. I've found it. Call off the search.

After nearly 40 years of dead churches, churches where the youth got together to exchange boyfriend/girlfriend, churches that preached the poverty gospel ("Blessed are the poor!!!!" -- the suffix "in spirit" never clearly explained), churches that didn't have bibles, churches that claimed all the promises of the Bible only for its leaders and that did not empower their sheep ... I have finally, FINALLY stepped into God's perfect will.

And, oh, it is perfect. Praise God praise God praise God!!!

If you have ever, like me, wondered if this was all there was to being a Christian, then honey, you aren't living in the perfect will of God.

If you hear about miracles happening, people having cancers fall out of their stomachs, the cripple walking, the depressed set free from demons dwelling inside them, but have never experienced it first hand, babe, START SEARCHING.

Let me qualify: I don't think there is only one church for all of Singapore. I love the fact that God reaches us where we are. But I believe that Believers need to know their rights. If you are a happy but powerless Christian, you cannot fulfill the great Commission to go out and make disciples of the world, cast out demons, lay hands on the sick and let them recover.

These are end-times. Doesn't mean the end will happen this year, or next year, or even 50 years from now because God's timing ain't ours. But if you look at what's happening in this world: earthquakes, terrorism, bad stuff galore, you know. And in the last days, our Lord says, there will be a GREAT OUTPOURING of the Holy Spirit.

So if there is such a great outpouring, are you getting soaked? Or are you standing under the umbrella of a dead church?

I entered a bible study programme last year. We studied the book of ACTS. Acts is all about the Holy Spirit — the church was birthed out of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Peter went from bumbling fisherman to eloquent disciple maker. Saul was struck blind, turned into Paul and became the posterboy for Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

So, you would imagine that praying in tongues would be joyfully studied with great detail.

Nope. Why? Because it would cause quarrels among the different denominations. Because some churches still think that praying in tongues is:
- demonic
- for the time of Acts only
- scary mary

So for the sake of "peace" we skimmed over the topic of praying in tongues. That, if you ask me, is from the devil. If the devil can keep the secret of the power of tongues from Christians, he has in one fell swoop disabled half the army of God or whatever fraction still cling on to "No Tongue, Please".

In Acts, Jesus had told his disciples to stay in Jerusalem till His Father sent the "helper". On the day of Pentecost in the upper room, 120 disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit. Tongues of fire came upon the heads of every one, and they burst out in tongues. They prayed so loudly that all the people of Jerusalem could hear them (can you imagine?!) and the Jews with different dialects could understand what they were saying.

Until today, the only physical manifestation that you are filled with the Holy Spirit is that you pray in tongues. Which is not to say that if you don't pray in tongues you necessarily do not have the Holy Spirit. BUT it is for certain that you CAN pray in tongues.

What is tongues? When I first experienced it at my mother's deathbed (my cousin led me in the baptism of the Holy Spirit while I was sitting next to my mother, who was in a coma -- she had terminal cancer). After asking the Holy Spirit to fill me fill me fill me I felt an electric current shoot into my body, up my legs, through my stomach, out of my hands and mouth. I could hardly breathe, but a torrent of Japanese-sounding noises came out of my throat, flowing, non-stop. And when my mind finally engaged, I was praying to God — every prayer of pain and petition I ever prayed in English came out of me. It was like an IDD to God -- I felt the connection from my very spirit. It was amazing, High-speed cable connection to the Spirit of God!!!

and you know the best part? satan and his minions have NO CLUE what you're saying. So praying in tongues is your secret language to God, one only He understands. If the devil can't understand it he can't steal it.

Anyone who prays in tongues, who has experienced this amazing baptism of the Holy Spirit, will NEVER say it's not necessary. Those who say so obviously haven't got it, and instead of being a party-pooper, they should get it IMMEDIATELY. It is only attained by faith, and all they need to do is ASK. If evil men know how to give their children good gifts, how much more will our Father in Heaven give us the Holy Spirit when we ask?

I am reading a marvellous book: Praying in Tongues by Mahesh Chavda. Pastor Mahesh walks in the gifting of healing. I recommend the book highly!

Get baptised in the Holy Spirit as the Lord has commanded. Jesus was as human as we are, and it was only after he was water-baptised by John the Baptist, and the Holy Spirit entered him from Heaven, and God said "This is my son in whom I am well pleased" that Jesus' ministry began. Before that, He wasn't yet enabled to do great miracles.

So if Jesus couldn't do it before He was baptised in the Spirit, how can you or I? No amount of waving a crucifix or using a Bible to block devils can stop the work of satan. Only being FILLED wiht the Spirit, when the demons can see the Spirit of God living in you and they panic, and only by casting them out in the mighty name of Jesus, can you go forth and do what Jesus has commanded.

I believe tens of thousands of Singaporeans will come to Christ, repent, be water-baptised and baptised int he Holy Spirit. They will cast out demons, they will heal the sick. This is a GREAT time to be in God!

Friday, July 15, 2005


Tonight was an awesome BBG meeting. I felt the presence of God descend, a glory cloud in the room (it was misty), and the tangible touch of the Holy Spirit. Kinda weird for me seeing that I didn't have any visions today (except for another brother's business -- I asked God, "And?" expecting yet another message about ME ME ME, and He said "Today is about OTHERS." So okay, we prayed for the others.

(Hahahahaa ... see, human nature always tries to get a foot in ...)

Our cell group leader had a prompting to pray for fresh visions and dreams. Some people went up to be prayed over, including Kelly, whose husband Steven has just started chemotherapy.

Kelly was the first to notice that her hands were covered in gold dust. It looks like the Prescriptives glitter powder. But there was no glitter on the floor, chairs, furniture or any place where she could have rubbed it from. And it didn't rub off. I didn't check if she tried to wash her hands.

And then Peggy was covered in gold dust, all over her hands and face.

Then Mike. Then Olive.

And when we got home, I was just laughing about "gold dust envy" that the leaders had (I had a bit too, since I don't have any gold dust ANYWHERE!) and jokingly look at my husband's hands -- and lo and behold, the man had gold dust all over his palms. I tried to rub it off and wipe it with tissue. It's still there.

I'm just happy. I can't believe what God has done in my husband's life in the last 6 weeks. I can't believe I am living in God's promise that He would bring my husband around, get him filled with the Holy Spirit, and send him to do His work.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow. Truly.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Visions Part 1b

I've only recently discovered that not all Spirit-filled Christians get visions.

One sister said today she's jealous of the visions I get.

Instead of making me feel good, that comment actually disturbs me. I don't want my visions to be a stumbling block to anyone. I don't want anyone feeling like God doesn't talk to them so intimately as He does to me because that's bullpoop. He talks intimately with every one of us who seek Him.

I do wonder if I'll ever lose it. In the deepest part of my heart, I know as long as I remain hungry for more of Him, He will never let me go -- gosh that's such a wonderful thing!!!

I do wonder what is possibly the right protocol for sharing visions, however. I know it's can be very annoying when someone who has a gift that comes so naturally keeps talking about it, making me feel inadequate. So I do know how annoying I could be to people who don't get visions and wish I would shut up already.

However, visions are sometimes to be shared. I believe in that. Visions -- and all the gifts of prophecy, healing, tongues etc -- are meant to EDIFY, not drive people away.

I pray for wisdom here. I want this gift to be a blessing not a curse and certainly not something someone will curse me for!

One thing I have learned and that's not to open my gab till God has confirmed or repeated the vision, and better still when He gives me a lightning bolt to my heart, and I hear words that I can repeat, syllable for syllable.

Wisdom wisdom wisdom! Befall me please! Let this gift be used for God's purposes only, in Jesus' name!

Friday, July 08, 2005

Visions Part 1a

Had a couple of visions tonight at BBG.

The first was during praise and worship, when I asked to see my Lord, and I saw Him holding up a lit candle.
"That's you. You are a light in the world."
"I'm going to burn out!"
"No, you won't. You will be always burning for me, on fire."

Christ holding me up high, and i'm supposed to burn brighter and brighter.

It's not about me. It's all about Him. It scares me a little the visions I get of what He wants me to do. But I have had enough encounters with Him to doubt (though you know I always feel like I'm like Elijah, who had amazing victories of God, calling down fire from Heaven and rain in a drought, then turned like a big chicken and fled from Queen Jezebel and asked God to let him die!)

And then, I had this vision ... a bit of history: I had been getting sporadic weird messages during prayer about a new Hollywood and music. Specific people involved were Sinead O'Connor, Mel Gibson and Oprah. Mel Gibson obviously because he directed Passion of The Christ. Oprah because she has the ear of millions. But Sinead O'Connor?! Haven't figured that one out yet. But I know better than to pooh-pooh it because three years ago I found myself praying for Ho Yeow Sun and here I stand.

Hollywood was originally created -- its original PURPOSE -- was to be a land dedicated to glorifying God. In the early 1900s, the legendary filmmaker Cecil B DeMille (who made The Ten Commandments) first came to California and settled in a small town that was giving away free land to anyone willing to build a place of worship. The town, said to be a "Christian" settlement, had a picturesque name -- Hollywood. (Excerpted from "What Hollywood Believes" by Ray Comfort)

So it was supposed to be Holywood. But today, it's quite the devil's playground. he even makes movies about himself starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Elizabeth Hurley as himself. And "God" is played by either a black guy (Morgan Freeman) or a chick (Alanis Morisette). And the world is saved from the apocalypse by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Hollywood has become the major disseminator of falsehood. We call it "escapism".

God's put it in my heart to take back that turf from the devil. He's had his fun, time to flee, in the name of Jesus!

Once every few years a spiritually-accurate movie registers on the radar: The Prince Of Egypt, which I think is beautiful and "When You Believe" makes a good modern hymn if you adjust the lyrics a little. The Passion Of The Christ, which I'm sure led a lot of people to salvation, praise God.

Tonight that Holywood image floated into my mind again. I had no idea why. Suddenly, Pastor Tan, who was talking about the PURPOSE for which things were created and talents were given, said "There are movies and films that God intends to be made that haven't even been made yet" and KABOOM! There was that lightning bolt from God.

The last time I had a lightning bolt, He said "I love you" into my heart and it meant my husband and I. At that point, my husband was not yet Spirit-filled and couldn't bear me praying in tongues, reading the Bible all day, and praying so much, so it was a bit of a stretch. But that was the faith of God, the unshakeable faith, that was placed in the heart of me and I CLUNG ON TO IT for dear life, and 18 months on, God has done everything He promised in my husband's life! PRAISE HIM!!!

So... I will cling on to this. Who knows what will happen, 18 months from now?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Yesterday was Intercession Day pour moi.

I'm very new to praying over people, being Ms Selfish and Scared New Christian. But I do know God is kicking my fat butt and saying "GO, OBEY!"

Before I embarked yesterday, I prayed very hard in the Spirit and felt Him strengthen me in the morning. In fact I was overflowing with JOY on the MRT. It's a great feeling!!! I was looking forward to meeting my pal Maire, who left for India on her very first mission trip last night.

Maire is a bright bubbly lady who is single. She was sent by God to lead me back to Him during the worst years of my life -- my living angel! Her own walk with the Lord is a passionate, argument-filled one, and she does a lot of praying in the car while driving to work. So not surprising she has had a couple of Dings on her Mazda! : ) Maire has, as any Singaporean woman over the age of 25, her own set of idiosyncrasies, and one of them is not wanting to get out of her comfort zone (I am very familiar with this).

She initially wanted to go on this mission trip because the church leader she is assisting was going. She also likes him and I think he also likes her.
He gets very sick and has an operation (not dying kind but because he itchy backside doctor said he's not allowed to move for 3 weeks and hence cannot go India)
Maire panicks, because her name is already down for the mission trip, but she in the flesh really dowan to go without him.
She prays and tries to cut a deal with God (also very familiar territory) to say since her role is only assisting, she will go on another trip.
God sends her old pastor from her previous church to the same restaurant she is dining. He tells her "GO TO INDIA".
She calls me to tell me the saga, I feel the quickening of the Holy Spirit and tell her "GO TO INDIA"
God is going to move very mightily while she is there. She had a vision of masses of children without eyes or mouths. I believe she will go to give them eyes that will see that Jesus is Lord, and mouths that will confess it.
She bites the bullet, and signs up for India anyway.
Shortly, her leader's doctor says he can go to India also.
But the important part is that Maire decided to obey God, and fought not to be swayed by her feelings for her leader or by her own flesh which was screaming out "Healing And Deliverance?! I know NOTHING about it."

From her experience I learned a powerful lesson: sometimes God will want to pluck you our of your comfort zone COMPLETELY. I mean, rip that comfort zone like a plastic bag off you. You will feel naked and exposed and definitely powerless and wanting to run away. That's when you know God will move if you obey because you have crucified your flesh, you are nothing, He is everything. Only when there is nothing left of your own self, can God work mighty miracles.

We prayed and I was filled with a GREAT GREAT JUMPING UP JOY for her because this is going to be such an exciting, Spirit-filled, miracle-filled journey that will bring her faith to the next level. One day my turn will come.

She will preach the word to the ends of the earth, she will pick up snakes with her hands, drink poison and it will not hurt her, she will lay hands on the sick and they will be healed, in JESUS' NAME! WAAAAAAHHHHH!

Intercession Rating: 11!
Peanut Toast & Coffee at TOAST, Ngee Ann City: 8

The day got tougher as the hours passed. I met my business partner and pal Millie for lunch -- we ate COCA steamboat buffet at Ngee Ann City. Waaaaaaaah! Stomach circumference expanded by 10".

She drops me off at Hazel Park Condo to visit my church mates Kelly and Steven. They're newish Christians (not a year old yet). Steven used to be a temple medium's assistant but has long stopped. However, we believe there are still demonic spirits that reside in him — they call them Kwee Kia (baby ghosts) which are the spirits of dead foetuses that are worshipped and they do things like reveal 4D numbers or tell you what your neighour's mahjong tiles are.

Anyway, Steven had cancer in Oct 2004. By God's grace it went into remission after chemo. It came back when he started attending New Creation Church in January. By March he was in pretty bad shape. Up to this point he was still an non-believer. Kelly's colleague, who is from City Harvest Church, invited them to Benny Hinn's crusade on 12 March. The presence of God touched Steven and he received salvation that night (PRAISE THE LORD!).

There is a spiritual tussle for Steven now. The spirit of cancer threatens to overwhelm him. The tumours have grown across his colon at breakneck speed. He is now at 4th stage.

I was in trepidation for weeks. One of the leaders who had been ministering to Kelly and Steven asked if I could help to talk to Kelly because of my own experiences. I have a great fear which I must surrender to the Lord: I try not to lay hands and pray for people because the last time I did, the person died and I was severely traumatised and my faith took a beating.

But I knew God wanted me to move. I prayed for Kelly and Steven in my own quiet time. Visions of Steven at a supermarket stocking up his trolley with "GOOD THINGS" came to view: Restoring his health, restoring his ability to walk, restoring his colour etc. I know God wants to heal him and it will happen — we just need to unblock all pockets of doubt and unbelief or fear that are hindering a complete recovery.

I finally went to pray for Kelly and STeven yesterday. I knew it would be draining, but it was actually good! I prayed for Kelly -- I know she is the one who needs more strength because she needs to be strong for herself, her children, his parents AND for Steven. She is the one satan will want to take down because she is the pillar. satan is fighting for steven's life because he knows he has already lost his soul. If he can't have STeven, then God also can't have steven to further the kingdom of God on earth.

Well, our God is an awesome God and satan is a pathetic liar. We already know who will win this, but much perseverance must occur both on the sufferer's end as well as the intercessor's end. I must pray fervently for strongholds to be broken, for Steven to trust 100%, not walking by sight but by faith that God has already healed him. When he makes it out of this, he will be a powerful walking testimony for the Lord and will be able to attract people to Jesus.

So he is a very important man who must be protected by prayer.

After praying in tongues and rebuking the spirit of cancer, I did not SEE any change (but God doesn't work according to my timetable) but I trust that faith was imparted. I was tired. I said my goodbyes and left.

Intercession Rating: 8

EP is a Spirit-filled Christian. He was the one who led me to the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I want to bless him in every way.

He's going through possibly the worst period of his life. His wife who suffers from paranoid dementia has fled the country with their son, who suffers from cerebral palsy. He is going through severe depression because the family of his wife lied and tricked him and refuse to help him connect with his son, to whom he is very close.

EP is a priority for me. Yesterday after Steven and Kelly I made my way to his office with my brother. We talked business for a few hours, then we went for dinner and that's when the real conversation began.

It started with a debate on whether Christians are "once saved, always saved". (See later post) EP says Once saved, always saved. I say Work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

I had no idea till later that he was in that frame of mind where he needs to be sure of his salvation despite the fact he is entertaining the possibility of doing some terrible things.

The evening derailed into a carnal conversation about how to get his son back, the extreme measures he is willing to take, and the putrid hatred he has for his wife and her family.

This was not the reasoning of a sound mind.
This was not a man who knew the mighty grace of God, despite the fact he was propounding grace to me not 30 minutes earlier..
This was not EP as I knew him, he had been possessed by his own anger and paranoia.
This was a man devoid of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit was gone from him, I felt it like a gnawing absence.

It bugged me to no end. I had a splitting headache from the negative Spirit, the Spirit of hate he had cultivated till it was a giant looming over us. I was exhausted and drained from two previous sessions of intercessory prayer. I could not fight. I just wanted to get out of there and pray.

How did things get so bad? EP has great work to do for the Lord -- he is gifted in business to fund the church. Sure satan wants him to stop because the harder he works the more money goes to God's cause.

But satan also knew his weakness, which is denial and procrastination. He was in denial about his wife's mental state for too long a time. He procrastinated to take action, and she found the chance to run away.

Lessons for me:
1. When God speaks, OBEY IMMEDIATELY
2. God will send people, circumstances to you to reflect the Truth. Pray about it, then open your eyes and see. Don't deny there is a problem when there is one. It's not biblical to keep saying things are fine when they are not, and especially when things can be easily fixed in the natural. It is when you have done everything in your power in accordance to God's will that you leave the rest to him, and rest in Him. But He's not going to supernaturally come over here and clean up your mess for you when He already told you to do it months, maybe years ago.

I did not get to pray for EP last night because the rejection was very strong and I honestly was too tired in the Spirit and physically to do him any good.
I pray now that he quits all thoughts of satan.
I pray he seeks God's wisdom and strength in this matter.
I pray God will break his newly found drinking habit.
I pray God will give him a rhema word to seal comfort right into his heart.
I pray God will restore his family.
I pray God will make a way for his wife to get help and to transform her for His purpose.
I pray David will not come out of this traumatised but instead strengthened.
I pray EP's wife' family will get saved because of the mighty miracles that God is going to perform in her.
I pray EP will use this opportunity to rise to the next level with the Lord, to turn his Job situation into triumph and victory.

Intercession Rating: 0
Penang Buffet at Copthorne King: Tasteless

I go home and have dreams about my daughter disappearing after a bomb goes off in the building we are in. Very depressing.
I reject and rebuke the spirits that threaten to come over me.


I am about to keel over.

My headache is back.

There is a church-wide fast we are participating in. It started at 6am today and ends at 6am tomorrow.

I am not hungry not really but I do so wish to have a coffee! I can live without food for a few days I think, but coffee!!!

So I am now peng-sanning in my office, and I think I am going to crawl into bd just for a while.

I know when we fast we're supposed to be of great cheer and carry on as if nothing is missing. I was good this morning. But the sleepiness is taking over ... taking over ... tak ...



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